22.11.11

Antisocial.

I need to maintain my social life, there's something wrong with it.
I mistrust people, I just hate how people stab each other's back, but it's even hard for me to say 'no' to them, especially the ones with best fake smiles, so instead of saying no, I prefer ignoring and I think I've lost almost everyone.
I was the one with huge circle of friends, but now I get pathetically disoriented in society.
This thing brings me to two possibilities:
1. This isn't just me who feels empty, but people are also losing everyone and, like it or not, start to think about themselves more than others, call it individualist.
2. I might blame them for leaving, but maybe, it's just me who practically decided to move my own feet to the sideline and became an outsider.
I-might-be-the-problem-in-this-case.
How sad.

15.11.11

Calling....15-11-11.

Happy things happen in the middle of the rainy days in November:
boyfriend's birthday and our 1st anniversary on the same day :)

27.10.11

Leaving everything behind, or being left behind?

Growing up is not easy at all.
I have met those pointless days, those disoriented feelings, those questions, those regrets, like all you want to do is clicking 'undo' on everything and getting back to the very start. Fixing things you know you should have not done.
I know I have been a total mess. I annoy people, even the people I love. But I personally think that this might be another big step we should take in our life. To leave everything behind and be a better one instead.
Oh, and the most special thing I would like to say to you is.
Don't lose someone who stays with you while you're growing up.

:S

While everyone starts to write, or even improve his/her writing skill,
I surprisingly stop writing.

20.5.11

19 Mei 2011.

We know we can't wish the people we love to live forever, but sometimes, we wish they'd live one day longer.

Tarakanita 4 berduka. Yesterday, God called my two teachers back to heaven.
As I said, 3 tahun gue di SMP Tarakanita 4 adalah salah satu 3 tahun paling bermakna sepanjang hidup gue. For once in my life, my school was another place I'd call home. Nggak cuma karena temen-temen dan momen-momen di dalamnya, tapi juga keakraban murid-murid sama guru-gurunya yang gue yakin jarang ditemuin di tempat lain.

Bpk JB Mardi, dalam usianya yang sudah mencapai kepala 6, dan kepintarannya dalam matematika yang nggak pernah pudar, meninggal kemarin pagi karna kecelakaan. Shock awalnya, dan sedih. Bpk JB Mardi dulu terkenal kalem tapi killer, rajin ngasih latihan soal, rapih banget dalam ngasih catetan matematika. Kalo disapa sama anak-anak, yang adalah salah satu budaya di Tarpat, biasanya dia cuma ngangguk terus senyum. Hal yang paling gue inget adalah kebiasaannya nambahin huruf S diakhir kata-kata dengan huruf terakhir T. "Empats suduts," gue mengingat itu sebagai salah satu kekhasan dari guru besar yang satu ini. Sayangnya, gue nggak sempet ikut temen-temen untuk ngasih penghormatan terakhir ke beliau, karena jenazahnya hari itu juga akan dibawa ke Klaten.

Sorenya, gue skip kelas PsiKom, dan pulang ke rumah. Nyoba tidur siang, gue nggak bisa-bisa tidur. Nggak lama, adek gue masuk ke kamar dan bilang, "Kak, Pak Sus juga meninggal." Wasn't it weird? Pak Sus nyusul Pak Mardi sepulangnya beliau dari Rumah Duka St Carolus, karena serangan jantung. Dan fyi, Pak Sus was one of my closest teacher. Dulu dia guru Bahasa Indonesia, mulai tau ada anak murid yang namanya Reinata saat gue naik ke kelas 2 smp. Sejak itu, gue sering banget diajak ngobrol dan becanda sama Pak Sus. Tegas, dia adalah salah satu guru yang paling rajin meriksa kedisiplinan anak-anak, dan gue adalah salah satu murid yang paling nggak disiplin apalagi dalam soal pakaian dan sepatu, tapi gue sering dapet dispensasi :p Pas gue masuk SMA, setiap gue main ke Tarpat, gue masih sering nyamperin untuk ngasih laporan atau sekedar nanya kabar. Akhir-akhir ini, gue baru inget kalo gue belom sempet main ke Tarpat untuk ketemu sama guru-guru sejak gue kuliah, dan udah planning untuk main kesana pas liburan nanti. Tapi ternyata... Tuhan berkehendak lain. Gue shock, bbm juga langsung rame, singkat kata, sampe akhirnya gue dateng ngelayat ke rumah Pak Sus sama keluarga gue, dan ngeliat Pak Sus buat terakhir kali. Shock, nggak percaya, karena Pak Sus masih tergolong muda. Rumahnya rame banget, banyak anak murid yang dateng buat ngasih penghormatan untuk yang terakhir kalinya. Ini jadi bukti kalau sebenarnya, walaupun dulu anak murid banyak yang sebel karena kedisiplinan dan ke-killer-an guru-guru itu, tapi kita semua menyimpan rasa yang penuh hormat buat Bpk JB Mardi dan Bpk Susmana.

However, those teachers were once my inspirations in my whole life. Secara langsung atau nggak langsung, nilai-nilai yang ditanamin di SMP Tarakanita 4 dulu masih kerasa bergunanya untuk dipakai sampe sekarang, dan itu semua berkat guru-guru gue di SMP dulu.

They must be angels in heaven now. May you two rest in peace, dear teachers :')

19.4.11

9 days: Free!


Hello! I'm on a little holiday. I'm skipping school for a week, it's Tuesday already, means 5 more days til the holiday's over. I spent the first 3 days at Singapore. The last 3 days were awesome, enjoyable, yet also unhealthy. I ate everything but vegetables, and I barely drank mineral water. It almost killed me, I promise to myself that I'm gonna spend the rest of the week by drinking bottles of mineral water and vegetables. I'm staying at Batam now, at Ruben's house. We're planning to go to Sentosa Island on Thursday, yeah let's just see :)

p.s: I wish L were with me anyway :(