You are

–always on my mind
right in the middle of a constant battle
between my logic and my bad wounded heart

The art of getting by.

You.

I know you are struggling. I know how burdened you are to survive these days. Surviving, struggling. Hard. You are in so much pain I can see it clearly in your eyes. I can see how you get lost in the track of time, how each spot where your feet stand sometimes confuses you, how you keep wondering why the days go by in this pitiful state of living. 

But, trust me, the pain is good. The pain is really good that it depresses you, comforts you with an endless flood of sadness, drains your eyes, scares you about the future and the next big things, and leaves you with the only option: to keep going–to keep writing because there are too many thoughts screaming inside your beautiful mind, to keep seeing and realizing details because keeping your eyes closed just makes everything worse, to keep dancing because it really helps to free your mind, to keep walking because taking a break will only give you a time to think which is really, really, disturbing. The pain is good, it makes you unstoppable. 

Once again, the pain itself, is, good. It forces you to keep going no matter what, you keep going despite the unknown things you will have to face ahead (everything is faceless anyway in this level of despair), you keep going without knowing that you have just made it to another checkpoint in your life: a refreshing, good restart. 

In this whole process, you might be learning the hard way to appreciate every little thing that draws a smile in your face, that touches your heart, that brings happy tears in your eyes. I hate to say that what you are losing now will never, ever, be replaced, but hopefully this big hole will be filled with sweeter things one day because at this very moment, there are a mount of good, even better, things waiting for you at the end of this line. 

So, take your time, be brave and deal with it, because it is good.

The pain is really good that someday at the future you are going to laugh on this.

You will get back to this page, reminiscing the old times and stories of being young, and you will laugh on this. 

Monstrous

It is when we think that the pain is over
when we realize that the pain has only been sleeping and hiding
so peacefully
like a mad monster having its rest
after taking up so much energy for ruining the heart

and now it is back to life,
awaken and growling
burning like a fire
so ready to dig an even deeper hole inside.

Justice

After all those months of battling, huge effort, excruciating pain, I finally come to conclusion that:

Love, is made for the strong. And in the midst of those strong, a few are lucky to remain forever.

Well, how can I wish we were strong enough while I think we already reach the peak of our strength and the only path we can go through is to go down and low?

So, no, I am surely not wishing we were stronger because after all that we have been through, I am proudly awarding you as my hero already, so that the whole world would know, how standing against us only makes us stronger and tougher.

But my love,

oh, my love,

our strength and toughness will not help us any longer

because in this very moment,

you can not imagine how I really wish we were not that strong, nor that tough, but just lucky enough to be infinite.

Insurance

Neither you nor I can guarantee that I am going to be happier.

My despair is holding on to itself even stronger than we think it ever would, the idea of being happy itself has long gone.  

In the mean time, I do not own anything worthy in me to heal your wound either. 

I just know how to deal with it.

I can only promise nothing, but I can assure you that the vision of us together will help things to get better, at least. 

Hi. What's up?

Cheers to a new beginning.

Yes. Three and a half years after posting it here on this blog, I have finally graduated.

It seems like it was just yesterday. :)