(unidentified)

who are you now?
are you something more than you were before?

are you warmer in the rain,
are you stronger for my touch?
am i giving too little by my loving you too much...?

how is the view, sunny and green?
how do you compare it to the views you've seen?
i know, i am
better,
braver,
and surer, too...
but you....?
are you now?
who are you now?
are you someone better
for my life?

(funny girl, broadway, by barbra streisand, 1964)

february

to love
and to be loved.

Thank you, to the year full of chances and surprises.

It is almost two weeks after new year and I know it is kind of late to say this, but I need to thank 2014 for being one amazing roller-coaster which drove me to both the highest highs and the lowest lows–for every chance given to taste the new experience which also widened my knowledge, for all the joyful times shared with my family and friends, for each solitude moment I got to spend with my own self, even for the dark days which taught me really well of how to keep holding on my faith. I am deeply grateful.

"To new beginnings,

in fear and faith

and all it tinges.

To love is a dare,

when hope and despair,

are gates upon it hinges."

– "A Toast!" (Lang Leav)

Happy glorious new year, be happy. :-)

You are

–always on my mind
right in the middle of a constant battle
between my logic and my bad wounded heart

The art of getting by.

You.

I know you are struggling. I know how burdened you are to survive these days. Surviving, struggling. Hard. You are in so much pain I can see it clearly in your eyes. I can see how you get lost in the track of time, how each spot where your feet stand sometimes confuses you, how you keep wondering why the days go by in this pitiful state of living. 

But, trust me, the pain is good. The pain is really good that it depresses you, comforts you with an endless flood of sadness, drains your eyes, scares you about the future and the next big things, and leaves you with the only option: to keep going–to keep writing because there are too many thoughts screaming inside your beautiful mind, to keep seeing and realizing details because keeping your eyes closed just makes everything worse, to keep dancing because it really helps to free your mind, to keep walking because taking a break will only give you a time to think which is really, really, disturbing. The pain is good, it makes you unstoppable. 

Once again, the pain itself, is, good. It forces you to keep going no matter what, you keep going despite the unknown things you will have to face ahead (everything is faceless anyway in this level of despair), you keep going without knowing that you have just made it to another checkpoint in your life: a refreshing, good restart. 

In this whole process, you might be learning the hard way to appreciate every little thing that draws a smile in your face, that touches your heart, that brings happy tears in your eyes. I hate to say that what you are losing now will never, ever, be replaced, but hopefully this big hole will be filled with sweeter things one day because at this very moment, there are a mount of good, even better, things waiting for you at the end of this line. 

So, take your time, be brave and deal with it, because it is good.

The pain is really good that someday at the future you are going to laugh on this.

You will get back to this page, reminiscing the old times and stories of being young, and you will laugh on this. 

Monstrous

It is when we think that the pain is over
when we realize that the pain has only been sleeping and hiding
so peacefully
like a mad monster having its rest
after taking up so much energy for ruining the heart

and now it is back to life,
awaken and growling
burning like a fire
so ready to dig an even deeper hole inside.