"I'll be true, I'll be useful, I'll be cavalier, I'll be yours my dear. And I'll belong to you."
(Dashboard Confessional)
Is it just me or time is really flying, not just running?
I'm enjoying every little time of these moments. Love fills, love writes every single word on this page.
I'm trying not to mind those fights, those debates, those bad feelings my heart has got.
Since, I know, someday I won't refuse to pay anything just to go back to these times; letting him holding my hands while we sit quietly in the car, shouting at him every time he pokes me, pinches me, and bites me rudely (well actually the last one is me), singing like two on-fire-rockers and laughing at each other when the radio turns into sappy love songs, staying awake at nights and having those silly night calls (talking like two tweeties and giving up at dawns), whispering stupid jokes while we're catching the movies, sending and receiving those sweet voice notes on bbm, and so on, even having those fights and debates.
you know what, dear werewolf, I'm gonna miss you a lot. and I love you anyway.
HIGH FIVE.
15.6.10
I should learn to be more thankful.
Before you read this, I wanna say something, I'm not complaining. I just need to share them.
- I had a bad week.
- Well, family problem is still pushing me down. But I do believe our love will strengthen us.
- Fucking unplanned holiday -__- I worked hard for this I know, I wanted this.
- School Administration Office really pisses me off.
- My finance's condition. Totally unstable and gets worse each day. Who can live without money anyway?
- Jakarta's weather. Super hot today and heavy rain for tomorrow.
- I'm tanned enough, PLEASE.
- I thought my sleep schedule had come back. Actually it's a big no. My whole body system has really been fucked up, I think.
- I miss Immanuel. haha. And I hate knowing that I'm not gonna meet him (again) this week. But it's okay on me.
- I've been having a continually headache. I don't know why, it's back.
- I get lack of ideas to write. Help.
8.6.10
I'm not a girl, not yet a woman. Labile.
No offense. I don’t have any guts to talk as a woman. Women in my eyes are so….mature. They hold everything in their hands, even the whole world. They know what the good is, and what the bad is. They cry in the right time, and lay their heads back down to hold the tears when they know they don't have to cry.
I'm still the same girl that people have known since long time ago. I may be a few years older than I was but I'm not so sure that I've grown up that much. If I may say a thing, it may be the rightest age to be so labile. Laugh, cry, and get mad. I don't give any fuckin care to what people say, and I'll be so disappointed when I get nowhere to run. While in fact, all I have to do is just staying. Running just makes me get lost.
So,
I try to stay.
I try to forgive a lot.
I try to be much more understanding about people.
I try.
Lately, silence has always been my choice. Trying to shut my big mouth up instead of complaining. Trying not to mind unimportant things, trying to get the point on a better way. I do not realise this is just taking me deeper to the dramas. Truths look so ugly while lies become so much prettier. The good thing is, I've become more sensitive to know how people use their masks properly. Doesn't mean I'm none of them, even being one of them has made me fully understand why we, people, need the masks. Simple, to hold on. We let the others see that we're stronger when we know we've never been this fragile before. I look as if I need the silence while having the music still on is the thing I mostly need. But...this is how it is. Since we all know, we rule the world, but life has already written its own rules, called fate. And this is what we all have to face, to keep holding on. And to grow up to be a woman.
I'm still the same girl that people have known since long time ago. I may be a few years older than I was but I'm not so sure that I've grown up that much. If I may say a thing, it may be the rightest age to be so labile. Laugh, cry, and get mad. I don't give any fuckin care to what people say, and I'll be so disappointed when I get nowhere to run. While in fact, all I have to do is just staying. Running just makes me get lost.
So,
I try to stay.
I try to forgive a lot.
I try to be much more understanding about people.
I try.
Lately, silence has always been my choice. Trying to shut my big mouth up instead of complaining. Trying not to mind unimportant things, trying to get the point on a better way. I do not realise this is just taking me deeper to the dramas. Truths look so ugly while lies become so much prettier. The good thing is, I've become more sensitive to know how people use their masks properly. Doesn't mean I'm none of them, even being one of them has made me fully understand why we, people, need the masks. Simple, to hold on. We let the others see that we're stronger when we know we've never been this fragile before. I look as if I need the silence while having the music still on is the thing I mostly need. But...this is how it is. Since we all know, we rule the world, but life has already written its own rules, called fate. And this is what we all have to face, to keep holding on. And to grow up to be a woman.
2010 is really.....unexplainable.
If you're surely living this life, you should always be ready to be up and down.
It's quite confusing how we could have a super flat day yesterday and have a lot of surprises today. I'm having 3 months off of almost everything, especially school. Don't call it holiday, I'm not even having fun. The fact is, I'm wasting so much time by looking for something fun and the result is I've got no money left. Stupid? Yes.
Those months I worked hard for what I've got now, and these months I'm afraid I'll die just because I've got nothing to do almost everyday.
Thousands plans, nothing's done. But to stay alive, we'll always have to be thankful for everything.
It's quite confusing how we could have a super flat day yesterday and have a lot of surprises today. I'm having 3 months off of almost everything, especially school. Don't call it holiday, I'm not even having fun. The fact is, I'm wasting so much time by looking for something fun and the result is I've got no money left. Stupid? Yes.
Those months I worked hard for what I've got now, and these months I'm afraid I'll die just because I've got nothing to do almost everyday.
Thousands plans, nothing's done. But to stay alive, we'll always have to be thankful for everything.
7.6.10
2.6.10
Carelessly in love
Falling in love with the wrong girl is totally bad isn't it? And don't you regret it? But you can't imagine how hurt it is to be the wrong girl who realises that she has fallen in love with the right guy.
You may be ready to be broken. But I'm not.
You may be ready to be broken. But I'm not.
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