And here it comes again, the rollercoaster.

Before you start reading this post. I’m having a... trouble with my sleeping schedule. It’s 3.30 am here, I’m completely a mess with these black circles under my eyes, I feel like my head is gonna fly away whenever it wants now, I’m not in a good mood I can even say that I’m fucked up, over and over again, and I’ve never thought before that I’d ever make a honest writing just like the one you’ll read below. I might regret it later, but why not? :-)

“For the way you're something that I'd never choose,
but at the same time, something I don't wanna lose.”

I’ve just never been in this kind of story. It’s more complicated than I thought it would be. And the funny thing is, it’s also the sweetest page I’ve ever written in my life. I go up and down a lot than I’ve ever done. No, it’s actually not me who goes up and down, it’s actually the whole story. People keep talking about those things such as struggling, surviving, and so on. I just don’t know. I know that fighting, arguing, debating are so normal, but, should we really give everything up on them? We hold the story, don’t we? I put so much hope on this track. And I mean it.

“…a part-time lover, a full-time friend.”

I got a splash of hesitation, and it’s disturbing, seriously. I need to find out how to believe that differences will bring some more good things. Or, is it the ego, who has successfully created the bad parts on the story? We’re old enough not to play around with something like this anymore, aren’t we? I’d love to be your partner who’s always be there no matter how bad the situation is than to be a girl who you can always hang out and have fun with. I have to stop being anyone else, and so do you. Why don’t we just lay down and talk about everything, even the littlest thing?

And, for the record, did you know the thing that made me like you? It was the way you took everything easy. We lived so enjoyably. I’m sure we just need to relax a bit, trust me. This will work.

Hello?

Another one o’clock in the morning and it’s even gonna move to two in several minutes. I’m having a month off, I’m not calling it as a holiday ‘cos I don’t really feel like I’m on a real holiday. I’ve been craving for a rrrreal holiday for a long long time. Didn’t I say that a tough year had just passed by? I need something like a getaway, or a little vacation to a place where I’m able to have a space from all those pressures. Well, after all, I need to refresh my mind. I know I’ve promised for hundred times not to complain about things anymore. I’ll stop here then. Bye. xx

Another year has gone by.

I’m not saying that 2010 was too quick to go by but I can’t believe it’s 2011 already! 2010 was so complicated, I don’t know what word would describe it better. It was upsetting yet exciting at the same time. I got down a lot, well, so did everyone, I think. At least, everything felt balance at last. Despite the loss itself, I got almost everything I had asked. I got accepted at University of Indonesia, majoring in Communication Science, the one I had always dreamt about. I (finally) could get along with the adaptation and so far, I feel good to be here, to have a lot of new, good, yet crazy friends around, to have an irreplaceable family like #comm10. I’ve become one of Paragita Choir, which I hope will bring me a way to see the whole world someday. And I finally got together with the one I had deniably waited for quite a long time :p

I may still look childishly naive, but I got into a lot of transitions last year. Now, I take a look at everything as if my eyes get wider each day. I’ve begun to understand why people are so different, one from each other. I don’t know whether I was too blind, or silly, but I sometimes laugh when I remember how narrow-minded I was. I’ve got some resolutions to be done this year, but I’ve chosen not to write it down here, I’ll keep it by myself. Let’s just hope this list won’t end up uselessly ;)

To everyone who’s hoping for a good year, we may not know what lies ahead, but we can’t depend everything on fate, everything depends on us. Don’t stop believing, I’m  with you all.

God bless.

I'm one of them, and I feel so proud.

tell you what,
#COMM10 IS SUPER COOL. I LOVE THEM.

Please say hello to these people, L.

Before everything goes blue, I decide to post this now. It doesn't mean that I don't trust myself, or him, or whatsoever, but yeah.... you know what I mean.

I have just started a new story. Haven't I told ya? I don't remember when it really was, but I've given up on my summer. Well, that's the only way I should be, anyway, right? It was tragically beautiful, but unluckily, after all, I do still have a life.

'They don't know how long it takes, waiting for a love like this...'

It isn't a new story actually, not even close. I've told you about this guy before, months ago. Guess what, lots of things happened this year. And, like or not, I've changed a lot this year. I just remembered the first time I fell for him, and I feel so much younger. It's been a looong time. I don't know where to start, but, just to let you know, I'm having the best I can have. We're different at many ways, we fight a lot, but I'm tired of thinking how to make things work, just like what I always did in my old relationships. The results are always the same. Things worked out, I flied high, and fell down. The only thing that I should care about is this one thing: Are we happy with this? If it's yes, then let's just go on.

'I got tired of waiting.
Wondering if you were ever coming around.
My faith in you was fading-
When I met you on the outskirts of town.
And I said...
Romeo save me, I've been feeling so alone.
I keep waiting, for you but you never come.
Is this in my head, I don't know what to think-
He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said...
Marry me Juliet, you'll never have to be alone.
I love you, and that's all I really know.
I talked to your dad -- go pick out a white dress
It's a love story, baby just say... yes.'
(Taylor Swift - Love Story)

Let's just pray for the best :)

November oh November

Hello, I know it’s been a long time.

November has been totally insane. That’s it. That’s the only reason why I stop writing here, I don’t even have any time. + I don’t even have any internet connection which is good enough to go online.

I can’t wait for Christmas. I can’t wait for the holiday.