Sleepy Dreamer

School's over and holiday is coming.
First of all, SELAMAT BUAT TEMEN-TEMEN 2010 YANG UDAH KETERIMA ITB UGM DAN UNIVERSITAS LAINNYA YA!!! bangga banget deh sama kalian :) lebay ya? tapi gue beneran seneng. Yang belom atau masih menunggu pengumuman, kita berjuang bersama-sama okay? Dont ever stop praying, God listens up there.

Anyway, I'm entering a new page on my life. One step to the future. Talking about who I want to be, well... I'm not really sure. I have a lot, totally a lot, of dreams. And I'm gonna tell you some :)

1. Career woman
Gue selalu pengen jadi wanita karir, nggak tau kenapa. Pengen aja, kayaknya seru liat wanita muda mandiri yang sukses dalam setelan blazer sepadu dengan sepatu dan tas yang berbeda tiap harinya, sibuk dengan gadgetnya buat janjian meeting sama ini-itu, dan malemnya sibuk hang out sama temen-temen sepermainannya, atau menikmati malam di apartemen minimalis sambil ngeliatin indah nya kota metropolitan, haha mimpi banget nggak sih?

2. Writer
Dari kecil, gue udah suka nulis. Gue inget banget kelas 3 sd gue udah bikin satu bundel cerpen anak-anak gitu karangan gue hahaha, walaupun isinya cerita-cerita cemen, standar banget deh. Yah emang sih nggak gue kembang-kembangin banget, gue juga bukan tipe orang yang bisa nulis dengan topik dan bahasa yang berat, bahkan mungkin tulisan gue terlalu ekspresif jadi terlalu gampang ketebak. That's it, I spill my brainstorms on writing. Dulu sempet nyoba buat novel tapi nggak pernah ada yang selesai, itu dia, bokap-nyokap gue juga bilang kalo gue susah fokus sama satu hal, yang ada ini belom selesai, gue udah ngerjain yang lain. Terlalu cepet bosenan.

3. Musician
Mungkin lebih tepatnya.... singer hahaha. Seriously deh, I do really wanna be a professional singer. Sekitar dua tahun terakhir ini gue lagi belajar lagu-lagu klasik, Italian sih kebanyakan. Gue cinta banget musik, sayangnya gue nggak bisa main musik. Dari kecil gue pengen belajar piano tapi nggak pernah jadi, dan ini jadi target gue taun ini. Udah telat banget ya, baru mau belajar sekarang? Biarin lah, mendingan telat daripada nggak sama sekali. Karena gue berharap, jadi apapun gue nanti, gue masih bisa berkecimpung di dunia musik, at least jadi guru vokal deh. Hehehe..

4. Traveller, Around The World
I do love holidays. I do love packing, seeing a lot of new things I've never seen before, and having new experiences. Gue sukaaaa banget yang namanya jalan-jalan, keluarga gue pun bilang gue kaki panjang banget, nggak betahan di rumah. Gue punya cita-cita pengen keliling dunia, yah nggak usah sekali jalan terus gue keliling dunia, dari yang lingkup kecil aja, keliling Indonesia. Gue pengen ke Kalimantan, ke Aceh, ke Papua, gue pengen liat budaya suku-suku pedalamannya, atau bikin tenda di tengah hutan rimba (nekat).

5. Actress (wtf?)
Gue nggak tau, apa dong yang tepat? Bukan artis kacangan gitu juga maksud gue, gue pengen jadi pemain peran. Di panggung teater musikal, skenario karangan penulis ternama dan musik garapan musisi kelas dunia, hah mimpi benerrr ya gue. Tapi gue selalu mengkhayal kayak begini dari kecil, ada di tengah panggung gedeee kayak di Opera House gitu terus disorot banyak lampu, kadang sendu kadang ramenya ngalahin kembang api, tergantung scene apa yang lagi gue mainin. Being unpredictable everywhere, behind the mask of the character I get. Dengan koreografi dan kostum yang gila-gilaan, teriakan-teriakan hingar-bingar baik di panggung maupun di bangku penonton, itu bener-bener mimpi sempurna gue. Siapa tau dari situ, gue bisa naik tingkat jadi sutradara, atau bahkan kritikus film! Sounds cool.

6. Translator, or Tour Guide
Sebenernya kan mereka beda banget ya? Persamaannya cuma di...bahasa. Yep, I love listening to the accent of each language. Gue pengen belajar banyak bahasa, karena gue tau itu banyak manfaatnya pastinya. Jadi tour guide, waaaaaaaaaah kurang apa coba. Bisa sambil jalan-jalan, dan bisa bawel sesuka hati gue, berhubung gue demen ngomong haha. Gue pengen jadi translator, tapi kayaknya mengingat gue bosenan, gue disuruh ngartiin satu novel tebel bisa muntah-muntah kali ya? Makanya, sekedar keinginan aja. Bahasa Inggris gue aja masih sangat kacau, tadi pagi gue ngebacain blog gue ini terus gue nyadar....gue sotoy dlm vocab dan banyaaaak banget kalimat yg grammatically wrong. Hahaha maaf ya, namanya juga belajar...

7. Good Mom, Lovely Wife :)
Sampai saat ini sih...gue pengen nikah umur 24. Gue seneng ngeliat keluarga muda gitu, yang baru punya anak satu dan masih kecil, dan mereka masih kayak orang pacaran pada umumnya. Atau nggak usah punya anak dulu deh. Seneng-seneng dulu. Yah, nggak tau sih mungkin gue bakal berubah pikiran kalo gue udah ngerasain enaknya hidup bener-bener mandiri, tapi gue suka kalo hidup gue rame, rumah gue rame. Woken up every morning with a morning kiss, making meals and taking kids to school, working on my jobs, going home and cook a dinner while waiting for my husband to be home, joking on the dinner table with the famie, giving the kids goodnight kisses on their bed, having a lovely night talks with my husband, telling him how great my day was, watching some dvds or listening to the music with the beats while it's possible, and having a holiday at weekends. Life...will be great.

Segitu dulu ya, kepanjangan juga. Mimpi gue kebanyakan, untuk saat ini gue pengen banget jadi anak FISIP UI 2010, Jurusan Ilmu Komunikasi. Karena gue rasa, gue bisa ngebuka banyak impian gue dari sini. Doain gue ya, semoga gue dapet yang terbaik dari Tuhan :) God bless you all, keep reading!

I'm All Over It

Hello Innocence
Though it seems like we've been friends for years
I'm finishing
How I wish I had never begun
Though it should be the last one
And it's dragging me down to my knees
Where I'm begging you please

Let me go
Don't you know

I'm all over it now
And I can't say how glad I am about that
I'm all over it now
Cause I worked and I cursed and I tried
And I said I could change and I lied
Well there's something still moves me inside

She's a melody
That I've tried to forget but I can't
It still follows me
When I wake in the dead of the night
And I know that I can't find
That song going round in my head
Like the last things you said

Please don't go
You think I know

I'm all over it now
And I can't say how glad I am about that
I'm all over it now
Cause I worked and I cursed and I cried
And I said I could change but I lied
Well there's something still moves me inside

Though I walked on by
Though I walked on by
Though I walked on by
Though I walked on by

One dark morning
She left without a warning
And took the red-eye back to London town

I'm all over it now
I'm all over it now
I'm all over it now
I'm all over it now

I'm all over it now
And I can't say how glad I am about that
I'm all over it now
Cause I worked and I cursed and I cried
And I said I would change but I lied
Yeah there's something still moves me inside

(Jamie Cullum)

Highschool - One Day Left

Hey, I'm back.

UAN, checked.
Practical Exam, checked.
UAS, one day left.

Yep, tomorrow will be the last time I do highschool thingy.
College life is waiting. Wish me luck, guys.

Hard to Say

“Comparisons are easily done once you’ve had a taste of perfection.”

It’s hard.

When you do your best, but still, there was someone better.

It’s hard.

When you draw him in your world, but he actually doesn’t even stay in your world.

It’s hard.

When you worry about him all the time, but he doesn’t even think of you.

It’s hard.

When you sing with him, but his mind is somewhere else, capturing his memories.

It’s hard.

When you feel warm around his arm, but he hold you just for fun.

It’s hard.

When you’re happy while your hands are gently held by him, but he takes off his hands.

It’s hard.

When you get mad with him, but he doesn’t take it seriously.

It’s hard.

When you realize you’re completely alone, but he doesn’t even try to look after you.

It’s hard.

When you need him all the time, but he needs you just to escape from his broken hearts thingy.

It’s hard.

When all of this upset you, but he thinks you act too over.

It’s hard.

When you’ve finally got a life because of him, but he hasn’t even moved on.

Sorry if it’s too much, I just don’t know whom to talk to.

just....grow old with me.

The Girl is Trying to Find A Way Back Into Love

Hey....long time no see.
Been extremely busy with those senior year routines, and I'm getting sick of them. My sleep hours have just been fucked up, I sleep 3 or 4 hours a day and that's all enough. Ha, get crazy? So what am I doing at the whole time? studying? unluckily not as simple as that. Sometimes I do studying, sometimes I.....hang on the phone til the midnights shout out. Yep, desperately I'm in love. suck? yeahhh.

Moving on? Nope.... I just let it flow. I don't even know whether I have already moved on or not, I just let my life goes by as the time walks away. Who is he? Let me describe..... an unpredictable guy which is five years older than me (well he'll kill me if he knows I write it down here), with a zuper-testpack-hearted, kindly nice, and funny. Knows how to make me smile, even angry. A good dreaming-partner, he's totally crazy when making dreams. Been my nightcall almost every night, waking up call almost every morning, but he's missing at days. He's busy with his life at sunny days, well I'm on my way to get used to. He's not a new comer, nope, I think I have written about him here, months ago. The story was totally complicated, but here we are. Making an escape together from the big jail called past, breaking dawn just like Edward and Bella do hahahaha.

I don't know where we are going. I just don't know. For this moment, I just wanna take it all...easy. Still on my way to get the yellow jackets, pray for me! :)