Because your heart says so.

when you really love someone,
there will always be something to worry about; what else is going to happen, tonight, tomorrow, next week, this year?
there will always be a reason to ask 'why should I, why shouldn't you?'.
there will always be this feeling that makes you feel like you are such a fool.
there will always be this confusing path, giving you choice either to keep walking or to stop.
there will always be the time when you want to let your ego win.
there will always be this voice whispering in your head, 'is it worthwhile?'.
and there will always be that quote, saying, 'what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger', and it becomes your only statement when others judge you.

but in the end,
your heart will say so,
and you will keep coming back to those arms, somehow.

and I,
I just love the fact that my heart wins over my ego, almost all the time.

One does simply get by.

Things will not ever be easy anymore, so every time I get my chance to have my good friends around,
I would really love--

--to dream
to dance
to laugh
to sing
like there's no tomorrow.

days off.

I'm on an unplanned holiday, as usual. After four months of struggling, my third term was finally ended on last Friday. Haven't seen my scores, though, but after all the pressure, I can only hope for nothing but the best. It's not the 'best' like 'the best in class' actually, it's more like the word 'best' in 'I am sure God knows what's best for me'. Get it?

And since it is definitely another unplanned holiday with nothing to do on my checklist, I decide to enjoy every little treatment I do to myself to get my spirit back and to make a distance from any kind of pressure, as far as it can be:

• staying longer under my blanket while enjoying the pouring rain outside my window
• turning the lamps off a little bit earlier, but staying up late with laptop on and browsing all night long
• re-watching my favorite movies or buying the new ones if it's possible
• renewing my playlist
• letting the alarm ring every morning and snoozing it for 20 times
• spending time with the loved ones
• taking every chance to catch up with good friends
• doing nothing but having stupid chats on messenger
• reblogging all the good posts on tumblr
• taking time to pray more.

So, the fourth term is going to start really soon, it might be the shortest holiday I've ever got in college. And again, I can only hope for nothing but the best.

note this,

stop being too afraid of picking a choice.

as long as you have the chance, it's ok to change your mind.

One Hot Sunny Day

Few days ago, just like the other days, I took the train to go home.

Well, I never recommend you to take any train on the middle of a hot sunny day. Why? I'll tell you the reasons:

1. If you're not lucky enough, no matter what train you take, the commuter one or the economy one, they both are the same. It's zuper hot inside, and you're gonna end up with sweat all over your body and your hair.

2. If you're not lucky enough, although it's already 11 am, people are unexpectedly still going to the city. The train was SO full with people, I did even think it could explode at any time. Human explosion, how cool.

So, all I heard along the way home was just.... a choir of crying children. One cried, two cried, three cried, all cried. And what happened next was just those moms who tried to calm their children down.

When the other people on the train started to feel annoyed, I started to miss every moment when the reasons to cry were as simple as hot weather, feeling hungry, or wanting a toy so bad but mom wouldn't let me buy one. And when I was done with crying, I would go playing all over again, found my mom and asked for another hug, got another hug, went playing all over again, and forgot the reason why I had cried, even forgot that I had just cried. Everything was this simple, then it all changed when I grew up.

I might be the only girl who still keeps on wondering why things should change, and why it happens a lot right at the time when I wish things would stay the same.

My friend once said,

"The only thing that doesn't change is the change itself."

Well, I guess, that's.... simply what we call the ugly truth.

Reviews and Resolutions

Three days to another new year, 2012.

2011 began with spotlights everywhere, and no maps at all. I did not know what to face along the year, it all came with surprise. I reached the highest point at the very start, met the spotlights everywhere, and start to fall down til I reached the the lowest point at the end of the year, with a little candle on my hand. It is just three days to the upcoming new year and I get sick, sick enough to make me stay on my bed all day long. And I take my time to think.

2011 has been good, but uneasy, and hard, name it. My mood changed a lot this year. I felt a lot of various feelings this year. There were times to be happy, sad, afraid, satisfied, disappointed, and mad. There were some moments when I got the chance to laugh until I got no breath, and to cry until I got no tears left.

Instead of being sick, I would rather call it as a depression. I know I have been afraid enough to start a new year. I keep on asking, what else will happen next year? How big will the pressure I feel? But then...the last thing I have asked is, why do I have to be this afraid of new things? It is just... it is so not me. I used to be excited of new things.

So, I decided to make a simple resolution for my new year. I want to be enjoy. I know some things will be pretty easy and others will be hard somehow, even harder, but I just want to make sure that I can enjoy every little things that will come. At the end of this year, I want to get all the positive energy I have lost, and prepare it to work well so I can start the upcoming year in a good way.

Work hard, and, instead of 'play', I will try to pray harder.

Wish me luck, and good luck for all of you.

Happy New Year 2012. :)