#reinataps

The very last week before the 4th term starts.

2012-02-10T19:52:00.002+07:00

I get sick, Monday-Friday. :(
Let's see if this weekend can do something good to my health.

denial: accepted.

2012-02-03T11:22:00.004+07:00

"yes. people will judge. that's sad, I know.
and, the irritating fact is, yes, they are right, we might be blind, so brainless, so unreasonable.
but I know, you know, we all know, there's something we can't say, we can't ever explain,
about this whole thing you are crazy about."

".... I thought it was only me."

"and no one knows you better than you do.
fight this feeling.
stay."

Because your heart says so.

2012-02-03T10:11:00.005+07:00

when you really love someone,
there will always be something to worry about; what else is going to happen, tonight, tomorrow, next week, this year?
there will always be a reason to ask 'why should I, why shouldn't you?'.
there will always be this feeling that makes you feel like you are such a fool.
there will always be this confusing path, giving you choice either to keep walking or to stop.
there will always be the time when you want to let your ego win.
there will always be this voice whispering in your head, 'is it worthwhile?'.
and there will always be that quote, saying, 'what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger', and it becomes your only statement when others judge you.

but in the end,
your heart will say so,
and you will keep coming back to those arms, somehow.

and I,
I just love the fact that my heart wins over my ego, almost all the time.

One does simply get by.

2012-01-27T10:17:00.004+07:00

Things will not ever be easy anymore, so every time I get my chance to have my good friends around,
I would really love--

--to dream
to dance
to laugh
to sing
like there's no tomorrow.

days off.

2012-01-09T22:35:00.002+07:00

I'm on an unplanned holiday, as usual. After four months of struggling, my third term was finally ended on last Friday. Haven't seen my scores, though, but after all the pressure, I can only hope for nothing but the best. It's not the 'best' like 'the best in class' actually, it's more like the word 'best' in 'I am sure God knows what's best for me'. Get it?

And since it is definitely another unplanned holiday with nothing to do on my checklist, I decide to enjoy every little treatment I do to myself to get my spirit back and to make a distance from any kind of pressure, as far as it can be:

staying longer under my blanket while enjoying the pouring rain outside my window
turning the lamps off a little bit earlier, but staying up late with laptop on and browsing all night long
re-watching my favorite movies or buying the new ones if it's possible
renewing my playlist
letting the alarm ring every morning and snoozing it for 20 times
spending time with the loved ones
taking every chance to catch up with good friends
doing nothing but having stupid chats on messenger
reblogging all the good posts on tumblr
taking time to pray more.

So, the fourth term is going to start really soon, it might be the shortest holiday I've ever got in college. And again, I can only hope for nothing but the best.

note this,

2012-01-07T00:54:00.006+07:00

stop being too afraid of picking a choice.

as long as you have the chance, it's ok to change your mind.

One Hot Sunny Day

2012-01-06T23:54:00.003+07:00

Few days ago, just like the other days, I took the train to go home.

Well, I never recommend you to take any train on the middle of a hot sunny day. Why? I'll tell you the reasons:

1. If you're not lucky enough, no matter what train you take, the commuter one or the economy one, they both are the same. It's zuper hot inside, and you're gonna end up with sweat all over your body and your hair.

2. If you're not lucky enough, although it's already 11 am, people are unexpectedly still going to the city. The train was SO full with people, I did even think it could explode at any time. Human explosion, how cool.

So, all I heard along the way home was just.... a choir of crying children. One cried, two cried, three cried, all cried. And what happened next was just those moms who tried to calm their children down.

When the other people on the train started to feel annoyed, I started to miss every moment when the reasons to cry were as simple as hot weather, feeling hungry, or wanting a toy so bad but mom wouldn't let me buy one. And when I was done with crying, I would go playing all over again, found my mom and asked for another hug, got another hug, went playing all over again, and forgot the reason why I had cried, even forgot that I had just cried. Everything was this simple, then it all changed when I grew up.

I might be the only girl who still keeps on wondering why things should change, and why it happens a lot right at the time when I wish things would stay the same.

My friend once said,

"The only thing that doesn't change is the change itself."

Well, I guess, that's.... simply what we call the ugly truth.

Reviews and Resolutions

2011-12-29T20:55:00.004+07:00

Three days to another new year, 2012.

2011 began with spotlights everywhere, and no maps at all. I did not know what to face along the year, it all came with surprise. I reached the highest point at the very start, met the spotlights everywhere, and start to fall down til I reached the the lowest point at the end of the year, with a little candle on my hand. It is just three days to the upcoming new year and I get sick, sick enough to make me stay on my bed all day long. And I take my time to think.

2011 has been good, but uneasy, and hard, name it. My mood changed a lot this year. I felt a lot of various feelings this year. There were times to be happy, sad, afraid, satisfied, disappointed, and mad. There were some moments when I got the chance to laugh until I got no breath, and to cry until I got no tears left.

Instead of being sick, I would rather call it as a depression. I know I have been afraid enough to start a new year. I keep on asking, what else will happen next year? How big will the pressure I feel? But then...the last thing I have asked is, why do I have to be this afraid of new things? It is just... it is so not me. I used to be excited of new things.

So, I decided to make a simple resolution for my new year. I want to be enjoy. I know some things will be pretty easy and others will be hard somehow, even harder, but I just want to make sure that I can enjoy every little things that will come. At the end of this year, I want to get all the positive energy I have lost, and prepare it to work well so I can start the upcoming year in a good way.

Work hard, and, instead of 'play', I will try to pray harder.

Wish me luck, and good luck for all of you.

Happy New Year 2012. :)

The most wonderful time of the year.

2011-12-29T20:45:00.002+07:00

See the lights and hang the stockings

Decorate with green and red
Made the cookies for old Santa,
Made a runway for his sled
Singing carols on a sleigh ride
Gather 'round the manger scene
Open presents and read the letters
And together we will sing...

Merry Christmas 2011 and Happy New Year 2012!

May God bless everyday of your life.

Antisocial.

2011-11-22T20:25:00.004+07:00

I need to maintain my social life, there's something wrong with it.

I mistrust people, I just hate how people stab each other's back, but it's even hard for me to say 'no' to them, especially the ones with best fake smiles, so instead of saying no, I prefer ignoring and I think I've lost almost everyone.

I was the one with huge circle of friends, but now I get pathetically disoriented in society.

This thing brings me to two possibilities:

1. This isn't just me who feels empty, but people are also losing everyone and, like it or not, start to think about themselves more than others, call it individualist.

2. I might blame them for leaving, but maybe, it's just me who practically decided to move my own feet to the sideline and became an outsider.

I-might-be-the-problem-in-this-case.

How sad.

Calling....15-11-11.

2011-11-15T08:54:00.000+07:00

Happy things happen in the middle of the rainy days in November:

boyfriend's birthday and our 1st anniversary on the same day :)

Leaving everything behind, or being left behind?

2011-10-27T21:26:00.006+07:00

Growing up is not easy at all.

I have met those pointless days, those disoriented feelings, those questions, those regrets, like all you want to do is clicking 'undo' on everything and getting back to the very start. Fixing things you know you should have not done.

I know I have been a total mess. I annoy people, even the people I love. But I personally think that this might be another big step we should take in our life. To leave everything behind and be a better one instead.

Oh, and the most special thing I would like to say to you is.

Don't lose someone who stays with you while you're growing up.

:S

2011-10-27T20:57:00.002+07:00

While everyone starts to write, or even improve his/her writing skill,

I surprisingly stop writing.

19 Mei 2011.

2011-05-20T15:34:00.004+07:00

We know we can't wish the people we love to live forever, but sometimes, we wish they'd live one day longer.

Tarakanita 4 berduka. Yesterday, God called my two teachers back to heaven.
As I said, 3 tahun gue di SMP Tarakanita 4 adalah salah satu 3 tahun paling bermakna sepanjang hidup gue. For once in my life, my school was another place I'd call home. Nggak cuma karena temen-temen dan momen-momen di dalamnya, tapi juga keakraban murid-murid sama guru-gurunya yang gue yakin jarang ditemuin di tempat lain.

Bpk JB Mardi, dalam usianya yang sudah mencapai kepala 6, dan kepintarannya dalam matematika yang nggak pernah pudar, meninggal kemarin pagi karna kecelakaan. Shock awalnya, dan sedih. Bpk JB Mardi dulu terkenal kalem tapi killer, rajin ngasih latihan soal, rapih banget dalam ngasih catetan matematika. Kalo disapa sama anak-anak, yang adalah salah satu budaya di Tarpat, biasanya dia cuma ngangguk terus senyum. Hal yang paling gue inget adalah kebiasaannya nambahin huruf S diakhir kata-kata dengan huruf terakhir T. "Empats suduts," gue mengingat itu sebagai salah satu kekhasan dari guru besar yang satu ini. Sayangnya, gue nggak sempet ikut temen-temen untuk ngasih penghormatan terakhir ke beliau, karena jenazahnya hari itu juga akan dibawa ke Klaten.

Sorenya, gue skip kelas PsiKom, dan pulang ke rumah. Nyoba tidur siang, gue nggak bisa-bisa tidur. Nggak lama, adek gue masuk ke kamar dan bilang, "Kak, Pak Sus juga meninggal." Wasn't it weird? Pak Sus nyusul Pak Mardi sepulangnya beliau dari Rumah Duka St Carolus, karena serangan jantung. Dan fyi, Pak Sus was one of my closest teacher. Dulu dia guru Bahasa Indonesia, mulai tau ada anak murid yang namanya Reinata saat gue naik ke kelas 2 smp. Sejak itu, gue sering banget diajak ngobrol dan becanda sama Pak Sus. Tegas, dia adalah salah satu guru yang paling rajin meriksa kedisiplinan anak-anak, dan gue adalah salah satu murid yang paling nggak disiplin apalagi dalam soal pakaian dan sepatu, tapi gue sering dapet dispensasi :p Pas gue masuk SMA, setiap gue main ke Tarpat, gue masih sering nyamperin untuk ngasih laporan atau sekedar nanya kabar. Akhir-akhir ini, gue baru inget kalo gue belom sempet main ke Tarpat untuk ketemu sama guru-guru sejak gue kuliah, dan udah planning untuk main kesana pas liburan nanti. Tapi ternyata... Tuhan berkehendak lain. Gue shock, bbm juga langsung rame, singkat kata, sampe akhirnya gue dateng ngelayat ke rumah Pak Sus sama keluarga gue, dan ngeliat Pak Sus buat terakhir kali. Shock, nggak percaya, karena Pak Sus masih tergolong muda. Rumahnya rame banget, banyak anak murid yang dateng buat ngasih penghormatan untuk yang terakhir kalinya. Ini jadi bukti kalau sebenarnya, walaupun dulu anak murid banyak yang sebel karena kedisiplinan dan ke-killer-an guru-guru itu, tapi kita semua menyimpan rasa yang penuh hormat buat Bpk JB Mardi dan Bpk Susmana.

However, those teachers were once my inspirations in my whole life. Secara langsung atau nggak langsung, nilai-nilai yang ditanamin di SMP Tarakanita 4 dulu masih kerasa bergunanya untuk dipakai sampe sekarang, dan itu semua berkat guru-guru gue di SMP dulu.

They must be angels in heaven now. May you two rest in peace, dear teachers :')

9 days: Free!

2011-04-19T12:26:00.003+07:00

Hello! I'm on a little holiday. I'm skipping school for a week, it's Tuesday already, means 5 more days til the holiday's over. I spent the first 3 days at Singapore. The last 3 days were awesome, enjoyable, yet also unhealthy. I ate everything but vegetables, and I barely drank mineral water. It almost killed me, I promise to myself that I'm gonna spend the rest of the week by drinking bottles of mineral water and vegetables. I'm staying at Batam now, at Ruben's house. We're planning to go to Sentosa Island on Thursday, yeah let's just see :)

p.s: I wish L were with me anyway :(

eelie meelie Lavley mo

2011-03-30T15:30:00.005+07:00

"They don't know how long it takes, waiting for a love like this."

Being in a relationship isn't easy. But, surprisingly, being with you is what I've been waiting for all my life. It's kind of feeling when you wish forever would be so real. Why don't we try to make it real? I love you, much more than a fat kid loves cakes.

sincerely,
yours.

living life to the fullest

2011-03-30T15:12:00.002+07:00

When you know what your passion is,
when you finally know how to do it,
when you have a lot of amazing partners who you can share your passion with
you'll know that every thing you do in life is so worthwhile.

If you ask me where I have been these days,
what I write as the title above will probably be my best answer.

(?)

2011-02-18T09:46:00.001+07:00

And here it comes again, the rollercoaster.

2011-02-01T03:40:00.001+07:00

Before you start reading this post. I’m having a... trouble with my sleeping schedule. It’s 3.30 am here, I’m completely a mess with these black circles under my eyes, I feel like my head is gonna fly away whenever it wants now, I’m not in a good mood I can even say that I’m fucked up, over and over again, and I’ve never thought before that I’d ever make a honest writing just like the one you’ll read below. I might regret it later, but why not? :-)

“For the way you're something that I'd never choose,
but at the same time, something I don't wanna lose.”

I’ve just never been in this kind of story. It’s more complicated than I thought it would be. And the funny thing is, it’s also the sweetest page I’ve ever written in my life. I go up and down a lot than I’ve ever done. No, it’s actually not me who goes up and down, it’s actually the whole story. People keep talking about those things such as struggling, surviving, and so on. I just don’t know. I know that fighting, arguing, debating are so normal, but, should we really give everything up on them? We hold the story, don’t we? I put so much hope on this track. And I mean it.

“…a part-time lover, a full-time friend.”

I got a splash of hesitation, and it’s disturbing, seriously. I need to find out how to believe that differences will bring some more good things. Or, is it the ego, who has successfully created the bad parts on the story? We’re old enough not to play around with something like this anymore, aren’t we? I’d love to be your partner who’s always be there no matter how bad the situation is than to be a girl who you can always hang out and have fun with. I have to stop being anyone else, and so do you. Why don’t we just lay down and talk about everything, even the littlest thing?

And, for the record, did you know the thing that made me like you? It was the way you took everything easy. We lived so enjoyably. I’m sure we just need to relax a bit, trust me. This will work.

Hello?

2011-01-29T01:22:00.001+07:00

Another one o’clock in the morning and it’s even gonna move to two in several minutes. I’m having a month off, I’m not calling it as a holiday ‘cos I don’t really feel like I’m on a real holiday. I’ve been craving for a rrrreal holiday for a long long time. Didn’t I say that a tough year had just passed by? I need something like a getaway, or a little vacation to a place where I’m able to have a space from all those pressures. Well, after all, I need to refresh my mind. I know I’ve promised for hundred times not to complain about things anymore. I’ll stop here then. Bye. xx

Another year has gone by.

2011-01-22T11:12:00.001+07:00

I’m not saying that 2010 was too quick to go by but I can’t believe it’s 2011 already! 2010 was so complicated, I don’t know what word would describe it better. It was upsetting yet exciting at the same time. I got down a lot, well, so did everyone, I think. At least, everything felt balance at last. Despite the loss itself, I got almost everything I had asked. I got accepted at University of Indonesia, majoring in Communication Science, the one I had always dreamt about. I (finally) could get along with the adaptation and so far, I feel good to be here, to have a lot of new, good, yet crazy friends around, to have an irreplaceable family like #comm10. I’ve become one of Paragita Choir, which I hope will bring me a way to see the whole world someday. And I finally got together with the one I had deniably waited for quite a long time :p

I may still look childishly naive, but I got into a lot of transitions last year. Now, I take a look at everything as if my eyes get wider each day. I’ve begun to understand why people are so different, one from each other. I don’t know whether I was too blind, or silly, but I sometimes laugh when I remember how narrow-minded I was. I’ve got some resolutions to be done this year, but I’ve chosen not to write it down here, I’ll keep it by myself. Let’s just hope this list won’t end up uselessly ;)

To everyone who’s hoping for a good year, we may not know what lies ahead, but we can’t depend everything on fate, everything depends on us. Don’t stop believing, I’m with you all.

God bless.

I'm one of them, and I feel so proud.

2010-11-30T17:38:00.007+07:00

tell you what,
#COMM10 IS SUPER COOL. I LOVE THEM.

Please say hello to these people, L.

2010-11-30T16:11:00.022+07:00

Before everything goes blue, I decide to post this now. It doesn't mean that I don't trust myself, or him, or whatsoever, but yeah.... you know what I mean.

I have just started a new story. Haven't I told ya? I don't remember when it really was, but I've given up on my summer. Well, that's the only way I should be, anyway, right? It was tragically beautiful, but unluckily, after all, I do still have a life.

'They don't know how long it takes, waiting for a love like this...'

It isn't a new story actually, not even close. I've told you about this guy before, months ago. Guess what, lots of things happened this year. And, like or not, I've changed a lot this year. I just remembered the first time I fell for him, and I feel so much younger. It's been a looong time. I don't know where to start, but, just to let you know, I'm having the best I can have. We're different at many ways, we fight a lot, but I'm tired of thinking how to make things work, just like what I always did in my old relationships. The results are always the same. Things worked out, I flied high, and fell down. The only thing that I should care about is this one thing: Are we happy with this? If it's yes, then let's just go on.

'I got tired of waiting.
Wondering if you were ever coming around.
My faith in you was fading-
When I met you on the outskirts of town.
And I said...
Romeo save me, I've been feeling so alone.
I keep waiting, for you but you never come.
Is this in my head, I don't know what to think-
He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said...
Marry me Juliet, you'll never have to be alone.
I love you, and that's all I really know.
I talked to your dad -- go pick out a white dress
It's a love story, baby just say... yes.'
(Taylor Swift - Love Story)

Let's just pray for the best :)

November oh November

2010-11-24T09:58:00.001+07:00

Hello, I know it’s been a long time.

November has been totally insane. That’s it. That’s the only reason why I stop writing here, I don’t even have any time. + I don’t even have any internet connection which is good enough to go online.

I can’t wait for Christmas. I can’t wait for the holiday.

another letter to summer

2010-10-19T17:17:00.003+07:00

Dear summer days,
Everything happens since you walked away. I lost almost everything at the end of your time but so far, everything’s still under control. I want to thank you for being so memorable each day, I love how you let the sun shine above my head or how you let the rain make my sneakers get dirty, I’m sorry if I kept complaining about my wet hair. I feel good, well, not as good as I felt when you were around but overall, I still have the reasons to smile and get crazy everyday. My friends are awesome, they’re super cool. I love how they make me laugh with those stupid jokes, they lift me up when I, again and again, fall into the under ground.

Dear summer days,
Another season has just come. It rains almost everyday, and I’d like to enjoy everyday just like how I enjoyed my time with you. I love having my quality time with some cups of coffee and feel the pouring rain above my rooftops. I’ve become more introvert yet extrovert at the same time. I feel enjoy when I’m alone, it’s such a right time to fly with my own thoughts, guess what, I think about everything. I know flashback is such a painful thing to do, but I love recalling the old memories. Yeah, most of them are ours. At least I know, I ever felt so alive once. Oh summer days, you were so real that I couldn’t help myself to make sure whether I was dreaming or not.

Dear summer days,
I’ve learnt a lot. I’ve never felt this brave before to take another step, to finally know that moving forward is the only choice left. I know now that forgetting won’t work at all, it’s forgiving actually. Sometimes I think you went too early, I did still have some pages to be written and colored but now I see, there’s still so much time with a lot of the other exciting things waiting somewhere I haven’t known.

Dear summer days,
Tom has finally found his Autumn after Summer walked away. You know what, sometimes I wonder if I could get mine too :p I do believe that somehow, someone must be there, someday, somewhere.

Thanks for giving me a lot of good times, see you next year :)

Busy, leave message.

2010-10-06T17:24:00.003+07:00

Full schedule. I get up at 6. The classes start at 8. I patiently listen to those women and men in front of the classes and write the things on the notebook. I get my lunch. I go to the library with some friends or enjoy sitting at the canteen with hot topics to talked about. And I do the random things at campus, til the sky grows dark, time to go back to my room. Everyday. College life is tiring yet exciting so far, and I'm so in love with my new family, Komunikasi UI 2010. Overall, I'm doing fine :)

>:(

2010-10-06T17:00:00.004+07:00

#nowplaying John Mayer - In Your Atmosphere

I'm back and I miss everything. I miss everything I've left behind, I miss everything I can't do anymore. I've been so busy lately and I'm still trying to keep up with my own life. I know it sounds funny, but yeah, here I am.

and... I miss the streetlights. I miss how they guided me home.

I say.

2010-09-28T20:51:00.003+07:00

"that won't change a thing."

2010-09-16T21:19:00.006+07:00

Hello.
Life has been so.....unpredictable these days. But I feel fine so far, everything is still able to be handled and I can say that I'm pretty single now :) No more stupidly wishing for the shooting stars, that heartache comes sometimes but I'm pretty sure that I'm getting my life back.

"Asking you to be back might has been a wrong choice. In the end, all I know is just, I can't trust you at all."

Those days were so hard, if I may say. I was sadly living in sadness. Passing by the roads I used to go with him months ago, those sappy love songs, those sweet memories, his promises about those awesome days ahead that I had imagined... thank God they didn't kill me. I was too fragile to let go, too in love to let go. I just couldn't believe that it really happened on me. Gah, now I'm blabbering too much.
But one day I realized, I should forgive first if I want to forget. I kept waiting for something I didn't even know and I should make a movement. I might have made a lot of big mistakes. But I can't go on with someone who's always ready to take any step and let me go.

"Be a good girl, you deserve someone better, so do I."

Probably it wasn't that we weren't meant to be together, I think that we were just not ready for forever. He was like a star that I kept staring at from my window, I kept wishing it would come to me eventho I know it wouldn't. Everything will get better in time, and I'm letting it all flow. Goodbye, that's all I can say.

500 days of summer
Summer: "I woke up one morning and I just knew."
Tom: "Knew what?"
Summer: "What I was never sure of with you."
...

You can be in love and you can be in a relationship. But they're not always the same thing.

AUGUST

2010-08-30T21:18:00.004+07:00

August = Attitude

outgoing personality. feeds on attention. takes risks. self control. kind hearted. self confident. loud and boisterous. likes talking and singing. very revengeful. easy to get along with and talk to. has an “every thing’s peachy” attitude. daydreamer. easily distracted. loves music. hates not being trusted. big imagination. hates studying. in need of “that someone”. longs for freedom. rebellious when withheld or restricted. loves to be loved. lives by “no pain no gain” caring. always a suspect. playful. mysterious. “charming” or “beautiful” to everyone. stubborn. curious. independent. strong willed. a fighter.

wish.me.luck

2010-08-29T22:48:00.005+07:00

Hello everyone, I'm browsing over a lot of pages and thinking why don't I write something here? just to give a little update for those who want to know :p
I'm about to start being a part of another war tomorrow! wish me luck, for tomorrow, and for the 4 years later.

time for my ego to talk

2010-08-18T12:55:00.004+07:00

I don’t know why, I do still believe, there should be a way.

I wish everything would be easier.

2010-08-17T22:17:00.002+07:00

or at least I wish I were stronger.

And so, forever has just come to an end.

2010-08-17T21:59:00.002+07:00

One of my best girl friend, Uun, said this: ‘At least, no matter how bad they’ve become, there’s still one thing that makes you all wanna hold on, you’ve been falling in love. Lie to your self, but the truth is, you’re all in love.’

They say that love will find a way.

‘Baby, we’re just not meant to be.’

The end.

I feel as if today was longer than ever. I’m lost. Let me tell you how it feels like. It’s when your nightmare comes out, not in your sleep. You’ll sleep, and wake up, try to remember why you feel lost, and you’ll end up crying. Again. You won’t have any idea why you still have to be awake and go through another day. You wish you had an everlasting sleep, at least ‘til you are healed.

I’ve tried to find something good to be learnt. And what I’ve got is only this one thing: at least, I’ve known how it really feels to be so in love, head over heels. How it feels to be a girl who won’t mind to jump to her lover just to show him how much she has missed him.

These 3 months have brought me up and down a lot. I’m tired, and I’m pretty sure, so he is. I’m tired of being in those fights over and over again. I’m tired of pretending like everything’s okay when I know it is not. I’m not blaming anyone, anything. It is neither his fault, nor mine. I can’t always try to understand why he’s hot today and turns into the cold one on the next day. We’re just never meant to be. And we were too crazy in love to realise this.

I miss you. Totally miss you. Live your life, reach your dreams, be good at Bandung, do your best at ITB, and send my regards to Germany when you’ve got there, someday. Bet me, you’ll be a good man. A typical of a man whom really loved by her mother in law. I love you, just like you’ve always heard and you’ve never believed.

We’re just never meant to be. Maybe this is how we’re meant to be, separated.

unintentionally found this

2010-08-13T09:24:00.002+07:00

Carrie: “Your girl is lovely, Hubbell.”
Mr. Big: “I don’t get it.”
Carrie: “And you never did.”

- Sex & The City

crossing fingers

2010-08-10T22:37:00.002+07:00

Yellow was my big dream.Y’all know that. I don’t mean to be ungrateful, I haven’t even started any class yet, it’s still WOW actually. I’m just makin’…another life plan.

I'll reach New York someday.

ok, 638 miles may be too far. but it ain’t feel much different.

2010-08-10T22:33:00.001+07:00

Pressure.

2010-08-10T22:15:00.001+07:00

10 pm here. Guess what, I should’ve been sleeping actually. I’ve just got an admirable package of bad fever, and homesick, yeah, as always. I’ve been so busy with the whole activities, and I still have a trouble with the adaptation. Good friends are everywhere, best friends are so uneasy to be found. Or is this the time? To be so individualist and be more introvert? I’m not that type, oh well, I need a ‘click’, and I miss mine. This is not what I used to be, getting knocked down so easily.

Happy birthday, yein :)

2010-08-06T18:32:00.002+07:00

made by: Icul! :)

sweet bday card from Rya :)

sweet box and the sweet things inside, a backpack, a webcam, a headset and also the microphone, a pair of flat shoes, and a tamagochi!

I love y’all guys :)

I’m sweetly18th yo now, no longer a kid :)

Life starts changing.

2010-08-03T08:32:00.001+07:00

I’ve moved to Depok. And I’m facing something which is called adaptation. New life, new friends, new world…I hope it’s really the best time for them to come. I wish I were stronger, I’ve just been here for 3 days with all the activities and energy, and I’ve felt so tired already. Cemble banget mentalnya!!

Know what, first days aren’t easy. I do almost everything all by myself. Trying to get more and more friends, keep telling myself that I gotta be strong. Man, it’s just the beginning. I’ve told myself from the very first time, ‘I may be so much fine here, living a life that I’ve been waiting for quite a long time. But remember, when the pressure comes, I’ll come home and no one will greet me, sit next to me and ask how tiring my day has been. That will be the time when I start missing my home and my family to be around.’ I’m not that type who cries easily, and I’m not that far from home, but it’s quite hard not to cry every time my mom calls and says goodnight. And I love you too, Mom, I wish you were here.

So, I’ve got specialities on August this year, hectic days. They are impatiently waiting to be hit and I got no time left to play around. Pray for me guys!

p.s: I’m turning 18 on this Friday! and just like the other years who have gone by, I’m still sure that days get harder til the day you turn older. It’s like a pre-test, I think. Gifts are waited anyway ;)

God bless you all! Don’t give up, He’ll always strengthen you, He knows the way :)

I’m still alive and everything’s fine

2010-07-19T22:49:00.002+07:00

and so, just like what I’ve been saying for hundred times, everything’s still on the line. I was out of line for some times but here I am, back to the line.

Holiday is gonna be over in days! I don’t know whether I have to be excited or not. Well…..I know I should be excited anyway. It’s just….I do not know whether I’ve been ready or not. You know, I’m on my way writing a new page of life and it ain’t easy. Gue bakal jadi anak kost 3 bulan ke depan, starts from August. For the first time, gue bakal tinggal jauh dari rumah. Yah emang nggak sejauh temen-temen yang pindah ke Bandung atau bahkan Jogja atau bahkan ke luar negeri tapi……masa sih rasanya beda jauh? Home will always be home, totally irreplaceable. Dan gue juga belom ngerjain tugas FISIP yang sejubrek sementara deadlinenya 4 Agustus. Hah, okay, no more complaining.

Well, it may be too much but, I feel like….everyone’s moving to Bandung. I mean…almost everyone. Banyak banget temen-temen gue yang lanjut kuliah di Bandung, termasuk Tia, Shita, Icul, Uun, dan Disya, and maybe Karina, and it makes me quite upset :( Bandung bakal rame banget. Bandung bakal asik banget. I hope Jkt will do the same way too. Tapi gue percaya, semua punya jalan masing-masing dan gue juga punya jalan gue sendiri. Udah nggak ada waktu lagi buat berharap selalu sama-sama kayak waktu masih sekolah, semua punya masa depan sendiri dan itu tergantung dari individu masing-masing. I do always hate goodbyes but yeah, this is life. And no matter how, it goes on. So, guys, I’ll miss y’all a lot. Be good at Bandung, or Jogja, or, wherever you are, I’ll always be your best supporter :’)

And yes, he has moved to Bandung. I can’t believe I’m typing this. Haha okay okay too much. He’s staying in Bandung and I’m still trying not to mind the distance. I don’t know what else to say.

So, I’m doing fine. I know I still have a life to be lived, and I don’t want to waste too much time. Just wish me luck, and I love you all. God bless :)

The Notebook, 2004

2010-07-08T20:38:00.001+07:00

Duke: They didn't agree on much. In fact they rarely agreed on anything. They fought all the time and they challenged each other everyday...
Young Noah: [Allie and Noah are fighting] Don't push me!
[Allie pushes Noah anyway]
Duke: ...But in spite their differences, they had one important thing in common, they were crazy about each other.

everything’s still on the line

2010-07-08T18:44:00.002+07:00

do you remember the nights// we’d stay up just laughing// smiling for hours at anything// remember the nights// we drove around// crazy, in love// do you remember the nights// we made our way dreaming// hoping of being someone big// we were so young then// we were too crazy// in love// when the lights go out// we’ll be safe and sound// we’ll take control of the world// like it’s all we have to hold on to// and we’ll be a dream////

(We The Kings ft Demi Lovato – We’ll Be A Dream)

“I never asked to fall in love. But I accidentally fell for someone who worth everything.” -@Janetdvr

i'm still breathing

2010-07-04T19:12:00.004+07:00

i leave the gas on
walk the allies in the dark
sleep with candles burning
i leave the door unlocked
i'm weaving a rope and
running all the red lights
did i get your attention?
cause i'm sending
all the signs and
the clock is ticking
and i'll be giving
my 2 weeks

pick your favorite
shade of black
you'd best
prepare a speech
say something funny
say something sweet
but don't say
that you loved me

'cause i'm still breathing
but we've been
dead for awhile
this sickness has no cure
we're going down for sure
already lost a grip
best abandon ship

...well, at least you know.

tanpa judul

2010-07-04T18:57:00.002+07:00

mungkin ini yang mereka bilang mati rasa. atau mungkin juga tidak.
atau mungkin, ini yang mereka bilang kebal. atau… mungkin juga tidak.

yang saya tahu dan saya rasakan, saya gagal. saya bertahan cukup lama dan saya gagal. bahkan bermacam-macam coklat pun tidak membantu, padahal setahu saya mereka adalah salah satu sahabat terbaik saya. salah satu penyembuh terbaik saya. sementara saya sendiri tidak tahu saya mengidap penyakit apa.

mungkin memang saya yang sudah salah dari awal. atau mungkin saja tidak.

saya pikir saya cukup kuat untuk menjadi batu, yang keras dan tak terbantahkan.
dan cukup meyakinkan untuk menjadi plastik, yang terlihat lemah namun tahan banting.

tapi saya salah.

It is life. From the eyes of a grown up.

2010-07-02T15:07:00.002+07:00

Well I think, everyone has his/her opinion about life. Isn’t it the topic we’ve heard to be mostly talked about? Each day, everyone keeps making more and more theories about life.

I can’t describe how life has been so up and down these days. Okay, one word. Amazing. Yep, amazing. I kept complaining about the bad days I had, and forgot to be thankful when those bad days turned into good days. I got a question left in my head, have I wasted so much time? I was afraid I have.

I thought everything was so unfair. I was so rebellious. I know I’m playful enough as a teen but I don’t really like to be in a game, to be played. And life has played me that easily. Brought me up and down, one day it gave me lots of happiness and sent me a pack of miserable things on the next day. I was totally….labile. I can’t find a better word to explain how bad I was.

But suddenly I realise something. I won’t go on if I keep saving these negative thoughts, and blaming everything on life. I need those positive energies. And they have successfully helped me to see that….Life’s so colourful. And with those colours, we can see that life’s not that simple. Living a life is not as easy as choosing which part of the picture to be coloured in white and which part to be coloured in black. We still have a lot of crayons waiting to be used.

So, it really depends on you, how to face every little thing in your life. If you've decided from the very first minute you wake up that you’ll have a good day today, then you’ll have your good day. No matter how bad actually your day will be, you’ll still get some reasons to be thankful of, you’ve got another thing to be learnt today ;) It’s all about choices.

I try not to regret anything, like being one of those labile people, this is how a teenager lives a life anyway. We get older, but we’re still young. I can say now, I’m not wasting too much time, and so are you. Well, there may be a little time I’ve wasted, like having lots of hibernations and crying over the money I’ve spent uselessly, but isn’t it okay? I’m still growing up every single day, being amazed of every new thing I’ve seen, keeping on asking why instead of saying thanks God, and laziness is still one of the elements of life that I love the most. Haha, just…. let it be, let it be.

p.s: forgive me if you don’t agree with my words above. It’s just my point of view, anyway. And someday, it might change, I’m surely sure about that. Well who knows?

How are you anyway?

2010-07-02T13:48:00.001+07:00

Well,

….there may be a little pain but I’m doing fine, no doubt.

a message in the bottle to someone who’s flying to another island

2010-06-28T13:46:00.004+07:00

Have a great holiday! See you :)

a letter to my summer

2010-06-27T13:52:00.001+07:00

Dear summer love,

I know it looks so cheesy but let me say something. I thank you for all the things we’ve done and undone. I can’t hide how love has brought me up and down every single day. Those days I got mad and cried over you, those days I fell deeper and deeper for you. I was no more than a girl who had fallen desperately in love. And yes, I am, still. Silly, eh? It may be too old to let the love get me down stupidly, don’t you think so? I know you do. I spent those days thinking how to get into your unreachable mind, how to make it memorable enough to be saved sweetly and irreplaceably in the box, I was all wrong. I know all we gotta do is only finding how to stay in line, expect nothing and let it all flow. Don’t mind it, as usual. Someday I’ll turn back to this page and read this, bet me, I’ll laugh loudly, over me. I won’t be able to wonder how cheesy and labile I’ve been. And I’ll curse you later. Haha, you don’t need to give any comment about this, I don’t even want to hear it from you, just warn me when forever is going to end. Yea, I love you anyway.

Sincerely, me.

well,

2010-06-26T12:07:00.001+07:00

“I revealed too much too soon. I was emotionally slutty.”

– Carrie Bradshaw

Well, you might not know about this

2010-06-23T17:22:00.001+07:00

RT @BestFilmQuotes: "If you make a girl laugh, she likes you, but if you make her cry, she loves you." -Kicking the Dog

Congrats, dude. She loves you.

Camouflage

2010-06-23T13:55:00.001+07:00

I might have been wrong.

I tried to write the story without knowing every single word had actually been written long before I decided to start writing. This is when the word ‘much’ is lessened, and ‘long’ is shortened. I can’t keep going on. I had dreamt about everything I’d do from the very beginning. Sadly, none has happened. Call it hopeless. What I’m doing now is, trying how to go thru a day by avoiding the unexpected anger and disappointment. Problems. I keep telling myself that I’m not scared, I’m not weak. But is it normal if all of these have driven me upset? I’m sure I’ve got a wrong scene, and I can’t get out. I need to breathe, to laugh loudly, to clear everything. So what? Oh please, it’s not just a wink, it’s been pages, if I may say. You know we don’t have to cry to show the people how fragile we have been. I’m totally stuck, help.

tell me what I should do, I don’t wanna let it go. I can’t let it go.

Do not mind it, it’s just another random thought.

2010-06-23T13:11:00.001+07:00

I hate how I’ve lost my ability to write such a long post these days. And I blame it on twitter with its 140 characters anyway. Haha, I’ve become super talky on twitter, thought how to tell what I want to write as shortly as possible there, and planned to share the rest on blogspot but here I come, run out of words.

Have you ever felt like you’ve been fighting hardly for something, working something out all alone while actually you don’t have to do that way, and after all you’ve done, you’re left realising that you’re not failed. I mean here, you’re not just failed, but everything you’ve done has just become useless. Have you ever felt that?

It’s like being a racer on a rally race, and you’re having your co driver next to you but he’s not even helping you at all. Everything turns to be so dysfunctional. You’re there, together, but you’re not working together to get the way out, trying not to mind everything, while the only thing you both need is a way out.

Learn something. You don’t have to complicate it if you don’t want to, but you can’t always simplify everything. Do not say ‘just forget it and let it go.’ It doesn’t even make any sense, man, you’ve to solve it first before you let it go, as long as it’s still possibly solved. It’s about choosing a choice, if you let it go, trust me, someday you’ll just make the same mistake and you’ll end up wondering how you could go to the same hell twice. That’s why I say, you always have to learn something, pick something, you may not get what you want but at least, you get something to learn.

Don’t let your ego rule everything. Don’t let your ego ruin everything.

Thank you for reading.

Over and over again

2010-06-21T19:31:00.002+07:00

I’m so tired of the way the world works.

They conspire, trying to keep us apart.

Things I miss the most

2010-06-21T18:56:00.003+07:00

Time changes almost everything. I’ve got a lot, and also missed a lot. But best friends, they stay forever.

1. Midnight birthday surprises

I’ve always loved making birthday surprises. Going to the cake storage, making the greeting cards, buying the gifts, singing the happy birthday song, waking the bday girl or boy up in the middle of the night, or knocking at their doors and shouting “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!”, and so on. Lots of people in every city in this world do that, so where’s the special? Seeing the people we love smile widely, letting them know that we never forget their birthdays. Seeing them happy. That’s the point.

2. Sleepover

Isn’t it totally a loveable thing, how we spend a night by staying awake with our best friends around, with the jokes, the snacks, the gossips, the camera, and especially the pajamas?

3. Java Rockin Land ‘09

I still remember how exciting it was to see those bands rocking the stage with their own styles, being a part of the crowd, screaming out loud with the other people, jumping with the beats, singing along and seeing my favourite musicians truly with my two eyes. I was a rocker, once, that night.

4. Bali, 2006

Unforgettable moment ever. Still wondering how to get back to those days actually.

5. Cheerleading

Jumping, yelling, and dancing. I miss this kind of team.

6. Rocking the night out

Just like what the other teenagers do, breaking the nights out with friends. Besides the quality time, the thing I’ve always missed is the streetlight.

I love you guys, you all know that.

The case I'll hardly forget

2010-06-20T18:22:00.003+07:00

"I'll be true, I'll be useful, I'll be cavalier, I'll be yours my dear. And I'll belong to you."
(Dashboard Confessional)

Is it just me or time is really flying, not just running?
I'm enjoying every little time of these moments. Love fills, love writes every single word on this page.
I'm trying not to mind those fights, those debates, those bad feelings my heart has got.
Since, I know, someday I won't refuse to pay anything just to go back to these times; letting him holding my hands while we sit quietly in the car, shouting at him every time he pokes me, pinches me, and bites me rudely (well actually the last one is me), singing like two on-fire-rockers and laughing at each other when the radio turns into sappy love songs, staying awake at nights and having those silly night calls (talking like two tweeties and giving up at dawns), whispering stupid jokes while we're catching the movies, sending and receiving those sweet voice notes on bbm, and so on, even having those fights and debates.

you know what, dear werewolf, I'm gonna miss you a lot. and I love you anyway.
HIGH FIVE.

I should learn to be more thankful.

2010-06-15T17:15:00.006+07:00

Before you read this, I wanna say something, I'm not complaining. I just need to share them.

I had a bad week.
Well, family problem is still pushing me down. But I do believe our love will strengthen us.
Fucking unplanned holiday -__- I worked hard for this I know, I wanted this.
School Administration Office really pisses me off.
My finance's condition. Totally unstable and gets worse each day. Who can live without money anyway?
Jakarta's weather. Super hot today and heavy rain for tomorrow.
I'm tanned enough, PLEASE.
I thought my sleep schedule had come back. Actually it's a big no. My whole body system has really been fucked up, I think.
I miss Immanuel. haha. And I hate knowing that I'm not gonna meet him (again) this week. But it's okay on me.
I've been having a continually headache. I don't know why, it's back.
I get lack of ideas to write. Help.

I stop here. Now I know I'm complaining. Sorry. I should learn to be more thankful.

immnlrbnsnldwjksgn

2010-06-15T16:54:00.007+07:00

little Immanuel :-)

Bad beginnings make happy endings//Now that I know you//
I began to understand things//It's turn around a hundred
and eighty degrees//I found my missing piece
There's something about you//That's like the sun//
You warm up my heart//When I come undone

(Pixie Lott - Band Aid)

I'm not a girl, not yet a woman. Labile.

2010-06-08T20:41:00.009+07:00

No offense. I don’t have any guts to talk as a woman. Women in my eyes are so….mature. They hold everything in their hands, even the whole world. They know what the good is, and what the bad is. They cry in the right time, and lay their heads back down to hold the tears when they know they don't have to cry.
I'm still the same girl that people have known since long time ago. I may be a few years older than I was but I'm not so sure that I've grown up that much. If I may say a thing, it may be the rightest age to be so labile. Laugh, cry, and get mad. I don't give any fuckin care to what people say, and I'll be so disappointed when I get nowhere to run. While in fact, all I have to do is just staying. Running just makes me get lost.
So,
I try to stay.
I try to forgive a lot.
I try to be much more understanding about people.
I try.
Lately, silence has always been my choice. Trying to shut my big mouth up instead of complaining. Trying not to mind unimportant things, trying to get the point on a better way. I do not realise this is just taking me deeper to the dramas. Truths look so ugly while lies become so much prettier. The good thing is, I've become more sensitive to know how people use their masks properly. Doesn't mean I'm none of them, even being one of them has made me fully understand why we, people, need the masks. Simple, to hold on. We let the others see that we're stronger when we know we've never been this fragile before. I look as if I need the silence while having the music still on is the thing I mostly need. But...this is how it is. Since we all know, we rule the world, but life has already written its own rules, called fate. And this is what we all have to face, to keep holding on. And to grow up to be a woman.

2010 is really.....unexplainable.

2010-06-08T19:45:00.007+07:00

If you're surely living this life, you should always be ready to be up and down.

It's quite confusing how we could have a super flat day yesterday and have a lot of surprises today. I'm having 3 months off of almost everything, especially school. Don't call it holiday, I'm not even having fun. The fact is, I'm wasting so much time by looking for something fun and the result is I've got no money left. Stupid? Yes.
Those months I worked hard for what I've got now, and these months I'm afraid I'll die just because I've got nothing to do almost everyday.
Thousands plans, nothing's done. But to stay alive, we'll always have to be thankful for everything.

People:

2010-06-07T15:18:00.001+07:00

easy come, easy go.

Hello there 5th :)

2010-06-05T13:14:00.002+07:00

Happy 1 month, Nu.

Carelessly in love

2010-06-02T12:05:00.005+07:00

Falling in love with the wrong girl is totally bad isn't it? And don't you regret it? But you can't imagine how hurt it is to be the wrong girl who realises that she has fallen in love with the right guy.

You may be ready to be broken. But I'm not.

Again and again, insomnia's attack

2010-05-30T03:48:00.000+07:00

Almost 4am here.
What am I? A vampire?
Or maybe zombie fits me more. Vampires, they are beautiful.
while I'm totally messed up hahah
I should stop living this unhealthy life, or I'll die tomorrow.
Okay that's too much but oh please it's driving me insane,
I'm staying awake while the only thing I need is a bedrest. Now.

Oh man, just like usual, it's always too late to say goodnight to you all.
So, good morning,
I'm hitting my bed.

So, I ain't telling you any lie

2010-05-30T01:38:00.007+07:00

It may be too soon to call it love,
but even Jack and Rose in 'Titanic' movie only needed 3 days
to know they were deadly in love.

This may look too much, but...

2010-05-30T00:55:00.006+07:00

Baby we've got:
So much to do, too little time.

May's gonna be over in a day.
June's coming.

And you're leaving on July.

Bandung. 2 hours trip. 200 km away.
It's not that far actually, is it?
I can even go there every weekend.
I can even go there by car.
I can even go there by myself.
Everything won't be the same anymore, but everything will still be easy.
But distance, will always be distance.

I may look too over but one thing you should know,
there will be a change. or may be changes.
World goes round and time never stops running.
Everything changes, everything will be changing.
And now, all I wanna do is keeping the things stay the same.
Just for...a moment.

We're new.
I'm still learning about you, I'm still trying to find the right way to reach those lights in your mind, the most interesting labyrinth I've ever been through.
I'm gonna miss you.
And I'm not ready for changes.

p.s: #junewish I just want this June to last longer than ever.

2010-05-26T16:18:00.002+07:00

When today doesn't work well, tomorrow is the only hope.

I need to meet you.

So here it comes the goodbye. See you, Emperor...

2010-05-26T15:23:00.000+07:00

"Highschool never ends."

Bukan begitu?
And so, masa SMA gue udah selesai. Highschool is really over. Selasa, 25 Mei 2010, bertempatan di Balai Sudirman, diadakan acara wisuda Emperor SMAN 81 2010.
It was so funny seeing my whole friends in kebaya and black suitcase. Cantik cantik, dan ganteng ganteng. So thumbs up, looked as if everyone prepared the best for the last day.

Sepanjang jalan yang bener-bener padat merayap, bersama ayah ibu, I promised myself something. 'This is the last day before entering a new life, and I may not be sad. This is the last day, I'll have fun with all of them. This is the last day, I won't let any tears drop that easy and destroy my make ups. This is the last day, I'll use it well.'
Just letting you know, I've never been good at goodbyes, no matter how good it was.

Acaranya lumayan. Nggak ngaret, itu yang terutama. Yang pasti banyak sambutan, yah skip lah. Yang bener-bener ngena di gue cuma sambutan dari Pak Tulus sm Rifqi & Oci. Selama acara, beberapa kali ditayangin foto-foto Emperor dari jaman kelas 1 masih MOS sampe kelas 3 saat-saat terakhir. Sedih? Iya, pastilah. Tapi hari kemaren terlalu berharga buat dijadiin ajang sedih-sedihan.

Bersenang-senanglah,
karna hari ini yang kan kita rindukan
di hari nanti,
sebuah kisah klasik untuk masa depan.
(Sheila on 7)

3 tahun gue di 81, jujur aja gue emang nggak ngerasa seindah pas gue di Tarpat, pas gue SMP. But however, these people has fulfilled my high school memories. Jadi, bukan berarti masa SMA gue nggak indah. Gue baru sadar kemaren, I've wasted so much time. Gue nggak banyak ambil andil buat SMA gue, buat temen-temen gue, buat angkatan gue. Gue lebih sering nggak niat sekolah daripada semangat sekolah, lebih sering pengen cepet-cepet pulang daripada tinggal di sekolah, dan sekarang waktunya udah abis. Tapi gue belajar banyak hal, gue nemuin banyak hal, gue dapet temen-temen yang super, dari yang antik sampe paling jutek juga ada. I'm just hoping I was worthwhile for being there.

I love you, Emperor. So proud to be a part of you all. It may be unfair but life really goes on. Bright futures are waiting for each of us, I'm wishing so much good luck for you all..... Thank you for the 3 years memories, I had a lot of good times. Good bye :')

Girls, Best Description

2010-05-20T23:34:00.001+07:00

Us girls, we are so magical
Soft skin, red lips, so kissable
Hard to resist, so touchable
Too good to deny it
Ain't no big deal it's innocent

-Katy Perry

Look, and Listen

2010-05-14T19:13:00.002+07:00

I'm not good at telling you what I feel in words.
I'm showing you in what I've done to you.
But when I say I love you,
I do really mean it.

People

2010-05-10T23:18:00.002+07:00

It's just like the other nights when I'm stuck on this boring thingy and I get nothing to do.
I'm in the mood of writing but..... I've got no words in my mind. All the things have just come in and out and whatsoever.

I'm getting older and experienced enough in seeing how people live their life.

People change, have you known it?
People change, do they really have to choose it?
Is it even a choice? How if I say that it is really a fate?
People change, so why do we keep on pretending like everything is going well as the time goes by?

And it's all gonna end up, depends on those who stay and those who walk away.
Oh buddy, world goes round. And devils are everywhere.

Well, there's no going back. Keep those things you've held in your hands now, enjoy the atmosphere you've got now.

Calon Mahasiswi UI 2010

2010-05-10T21:49:00.000+07:00

Keep praying, God listens up there, and He always knows what the best answer is on His own.
God, thanks a lot. Thanks. A lot. You've done a lot of wonderful things in this life.

Akhirnya.
Halo, saya Reinata calon mahasiswi FISIP UI Jurusan Ilmu Komunikasi 2010 :)
Terima kasih ya doanya teman-teman, semua berkat campur tangan Tuhan.

Wink*

2010-05-07T01:15:00.000+07:00

Haha, miss me already?

Thank God

2010-05-07T00:51:00.000+07:00

Aku sudah lulus.
Udah nggak pake seragam SMA lagi.
Tamat sudah 12 tahun sekolah.
Tahun ini kuliah.
Puji Tuhan dapet satu bangku di Fakultas Ilmu Komunikasi Universitas Padjajaran, Bandung.
Masih nunggu jawaban dari Universitas Indonesia.
Doain ya :)

Happy May 6th, People.

2010-05-07T00:47:00.000+07:00

Say it with your biggest smile. Or even laugh, if it's possible.

in Love

2010-05-06T00:27:00.002+07:00

Curly, big-handed, with a black full-frame eyeglasses.
Yep, the girl has finally found a way back into love.
Simple, but not ordinary. We're gonna make it become extraordinary.
Surprisingly, Robinhood has become my new hero.

Loveyou, Immanuel :)
May 5th, 2010.

Great Escape

2010-04-15T23:29:00.001+07:00

"Keep moving forward. I'm not saying you may not look back, no, because you always have to learn something from your mistakes. Try to put it on the second primary thing in your life, find another business. Live your life, smile, don't cry. Then you'll realise, you have put it on the bottom of your list, which is not able to be seen anymore, you don't even have to look after it. You'll totally get over it and live it slowly, you'll be amazed of how cool it is, you're still alive, and happy."

Quoted from a very late night call, months ago.
And you know what,I'm totally satisfied to know I've been great on doing this.
Thank you, and goodbye fever :)

Sleepy Dreamer

2010-04-15T22:11:00.000+07:00

School's over and holiday is coming.
First of all, SELAMAT BUAT TEMEN-TEMEN 2010 YANG UDAH KETERIMA ITB UGM DAN UNIVERSITAS LAINNYA YA!!! bangga banget deh sama kalian :) lebay ya? tapi gue beneran seneng. Yang belom atau masih menunggu pengumuman, kita berjuang bersama-sama okay? Dont ever stop praying, God listens up there.

Anyway, I'm entering a new page on my life. One step to the future. Talking about who I want to be, well... I'm not really sure. I have a lot, totally a lot, of dreams. And I'm gonna tell you some :)

1. Career woman
Gue selalu pengen jadi wanita karir, nggak tau kenapa. Pengen aja, kayaknya seru liat wanita muda mandiri yang sukses dalam setelan blazer sepadu dengan sepatu dan tas yang berbeda tiap harinya, sibuk dengan gadgetnya buat janjian meeting sama ini-itu, dan malemnya sibuk hang out sama temen-temen sepermainannya, atau menikmati malam di apartemen minimalis sambil ngeliatin indah nya kota metropolitan, haha mimpi banget nggak sih?

2. Writer
Dari kecil, gue udah suka nulis. Gue inget banget kelas 3 sd gue udah bikin satu bundel cerpen anak-anak gitu karangan gue hahaha, walaupun isinya cerita-cerita cemen, standar banget deh. Yah emang sih nggak gue kembang-kembangin banget, gue juga bukan tipe orang yang bisa nulis dengan topik dan bahasa yang berat, bahkan mungkin tulisan gue terlalu ekspresif jadi terlalu gampang ketebak. That's it, I spill my brainstorms on writing. Dulu sempet nyoba buat novel tapi nggak pernah ada yang selesai, itu dia, bokap-nyokap gue juga bilang kalo gue susah fokus sama satu hal, yang ada ini belom selesai, gue udah ngerjain yang lain. Terlalu cepet bosenan.

3. Musician
Mungkin lebih tepatnya.... singer hahaha. Seriously deh, I do really wanna be a professional singer. Sekitar dua tahun terakhir ini gue lagi belajar lagu-lagu klasik, Italian sih kebanyakan. Gue cinta banget musik, sayangnya gue nggak bisa main musik. Dari kecil gue pengen belajar piano tapi nggak pernah jadi, dan ini jadi target gue taun ini. Udah telat banget ya, baru mau belajar sekarang? Biarin lah, mendingan telat daripada nggak sama sekali. Karena gue berharap, jadi apapun gue nanti, gue masih bisa berkecimpung di dunia musik, at least jadi guru vokal deh. Hehehe..

4. Traveller, Around The World
I do love holidays. I do love packing, seeing a lot of new things I've never seen before, and having new experiences. Gue sukaaaa banget yang namanya jalan-jalan, keluarga gue pun bilang gue kaki panjang banget, nggak betahan di rumah. Gue punya cita-cita pengen keliling dunia, yah nggak usah sekali jalan terus gue keliling dunia, dari yang lingkup kecil aja, keliling Indonesia. Gue pengen ke Kalimantan, ke Aceh, ke Papua, gue pengen liat budaya suku-suku pedalamannya, atau bikin tenda di tengah hutan rimba (nekat).

5. Actress (wtf?)
Gue nggak tau, apa dong yang tepat? Bukan artis kacangan gitu juga maksud gue, gue pengen jadi pemain peran. Di panggung teater musikal, skenario karangan penulis ternama dan musik garapan musisi kelas dunia, hah mimpi benerrr ya gue. Tapi gue selalu mengkhayal kayak begini dari kecil, ada di tengah panggung gedeee kayak di Opera House gitu terus disorot banyak lampu, kadang sendu kadang ramenya ngalahin kembang api, tergantung scene apa yang lagi gue mainin. Being unpredictable everywhere, behind the mask of the character I get. Dengan koreografi dan kostum yang gila-gilaan, teriakan-teriakan hingar-bingar baik di panggung maupun di bangku penonton, itu bener-bener mimpi sempurna gue. Siapa tau dari situ, gue bisa naik tingkat jadi sutradara, atau bahkan kritikus film! Sounds cool.

6. Translator, or Tour Guide
Sebenernya kan mereka beda banget ya? Persamaannya cuma di...bahasa. Yep, I love listening to the accent of each language. Gue pengen belajar banyak bahasa, karena gue tau itu banyak manfaatnya pastinya. Jadi tour guide, waaaaaaaaaah kurang apa coba. Bisa sambil jalan-jalan, dan bisa bawel sesuka hati gue, berhubung gue demen ngomong haha. Gue pengen jadi translator, tapi kayaknya mengingat gue bosenan, gue disuruh ngartiin satu novel tebel bisa muntah-muntah kali ya? Makanya, sekedar keinginan aja. Bahasa Inggris gue aja masih sangat kacau, tadi pagi gue ngebacain blog gue ini terus gue nyadar....gue sotoy dlm vocab dan banyaaaak banget kalimat yg grammatically wrong. Hahaha maaf ya, namanya juga belajar...

7. Good Mom, Lovely Wife :)
Sampai saat ini sih...gue pengen nikah umur 24. Gue seneng ngeliat keluarga muda gitu, yang baru punya anak satu dan masih kecil, dan mereka masih kayak orang pacaran pada umumnya. Atau nggak usah punya anak dulu deh. Seneng-seneng dulu. Yah, nggak tau sih mungkin gue bakal berubah pikiran kalo gue udah ngerasain enaknya hidup bener-bener mandiri, tapi gue suka kalo hidup gue rame, rumah gue rame. Woken up every morning with a morning kiss, making meals and taking kids to school, working on my jobs, going home and cook a dinner while waiting for my husband to be home, joking on the dinner table with the famie, giving the kids goodnight kisses on their bed, having a lovely night talks with my husband, telling him how great my day was, watching some dvds or listening to the music with the beats while it's possible, and having a holiday at weekends. Life...will be great.

Segitu dulu ya, kepanjangan juga. Mimpi gue kebanyakan, untuk saat ini gue pengen banget jadi anak FISIP UI 2010, Jurusan Ilmu Komunikasi. Karena gue rasa, gue bisa ngebuka banyak impian gue dari sini. Doain gue ya, semoga gue dapet yang terbaik dari Tuhan :) God bless you all, keep reading!

I'm All Over It

2010-04-13T14:26:00.001+07:00

Hello Innocence
Though it seems like we've been friends for years
I'm finishing
How I wish I had never begun
Though it should be the last one
And it's dragging me down to my knees
Where I'm begging you please

Let me go
Don't you know

I'm all over it now
And I can't say how glad I am about that
I'm all over it now
Cause I worked and I cursed and I tried
And I said I could change and I lied
Well there's something still moves me inside

She's a melody
That I've tried to forget but I can't
It still follows me
When I wake in the dead of the night
And I know that I can't find
That song going round in my head
Like the last things you said

Please don't go
You think I know

I'm all over it now
And I can't say how glad I am about that
I'm all over it now
Cause I worked and I cursed and I cried
And I said I could change but I lied
Well there's something still moves me inside

Though I walked on by
Though I walked on by
Though I walked on by
Though I walked on by

One dark morning
She left without a warning
And took the red-eye back to London town

I'm all over it now
I'm all over it now
I'm all over it now
I'm all over it now

I'm all over it now
And I can't say how glad I am about that
I'm all over it now
Cause I worked and I cursed and I cried
And I said I would change but I lied
Yeah there's something still moves me inside

(Jamie Cullum)

Highschool - One Day Left

2010-04-13T13:50:00.001+07:00

Hey, I'm back.

UAN, checked.
Practical Exam, checked.
UAS, one day left.

Yep, tomorrow will be the last time I do highschool thingy.
College life is waiting. Wish me luck, guys.

Hard to Say

2010-02-28T01:01:00.002+07:00

“Comparisons are easily done once you’ve had a taste of perfection.”

It’s hard.

When you do your best, but still, there was someone better.

It’s hard.

When you draw him in your world, but he actually doesn’t even stay in your world.

It’s hard.

When you worry about him all the time, but he doesn’t even think of you.

It’s hard.

When you sing with him, but his mind is somewhere else, capturing his memories.

It’s hard.

When you feel warm around his arm, but he hold you just for fun.

It’s hard.

When you’re happy while your hands are gently held by him, but he takes off his hands.

It’s hard.

When you get mad with him, but he doesn’t take it seriously.

It’s hard.

When you realize you’re completely alone, but he doesn’t even try to look after you.

It’s hard.

When you need him all the time, but he needs you just to escape from his broken hearts thingy.

It’s hard.

When all of this upset you, but he thinks you act too over.

It’s hard.

When you’ve finally got a life because of him, but he hasn’t even moved on.

Sorry if it’s too much, I just don’t know whom to talk to.

2010-02-17T17:18:00.000+07:00

just....grow old with me.

The Girl is Trying to Find A Way Back Into Love

2010-02-17T16:56:00.000+07:00

Hey....long time no see.
Been extremely busy with those senior year routines, and I'm getting sick of them. My sleep hours have just been fucked up, I sleep 3 or 4 hours a day and that's all enough. Ha, get crazy? So what am I doing at the whole time? studying? unluckily not as simple as that. Sometimes I do studying, sometimes I.....hang on the phone til the midnights shout out. Yep, desperately I'm in love. suck? yeahhh.

Moving on? Nope.... I just let it flow. I don't even know whether I have already moved on or not, I just let my life goes by as the time walks away. Who is he? Let me describe..... an unpredictable guy which is five years older than me (well he'll kill me if he knows I write it down here), with a zuper-testpack-hearted, kindly nice, and funny. Knows how to make me smile, even angry. A good dreaming-partner, he's totally crazy when making dreams. Been my nightcall almost every night, waking up call almost every morning, but he's missing at days. He's busy with his life at sunny days, well I'm on my way to get used to. He's not a new comer, nope, I think I have written about him here, months ago. The story was totally complicated, but here we are. Making an escape together from the big jail called past, breaking dawn just like Edward and Bella do hahahaha.

I don't know where we are going. I just don't know. For this moment, I just wanna take it all...easy. Still on my way to get the yellow jackets, pray for me! :)

What to tell?

2010-01-24T11:52:00.001+07:00

Long time no see.
Udah lama nggak nulis. Udah lama nggak blogging juga.
ini juga udah lama gue simpen di draft baru sekarang ke post hahah.
Life’s been extremely up and down and guess what have I learnt? Nothing.
Kemaren gue seneng, besok gue jatoh sampe terpuruk-terpuruknya.
Bulan lalu gue masih baik-baik aja dan happy, hari ini gue rasa gue udah nggak punya hati.

Just tell me it is not over.

Yah, I hope so. Kayaknya baru kemaren gue nulis tentang loving and losing, dan sekarang kalo gue baca tulisan gue itu, gue nggak percaya kalo itu gue yang nulis. Was I so much deeply in love like that? Ha, so where’s the love now? Heaven? Shut up, I don’t even have any heart left with me. I don’t even have anyone.

Waktu itu gue bertanya-tanya gimana rasanya kehilangan dan lain-lain, terimakasih Tuhan karena akhirnya gue tau jawabannya. Happy new year 2010 ya anyway, kayaknya bener-bener hidup baru banget gue di 2010. Karena masalah keluarga dan kondisi dan segalanya yang buat gue bertanya-tanya kenapa sekalinya hidup ini nggak adil bisa jadi nggak adil banget, gue terpaksa mengakhiri sesuatu. See? I don’t blame anyone. Kalo udah yang namanya keadaan, jelas bukan gue yang mau, bukan elo yang mau, bukan kita yang mau.

Awalnya masih baik-baik aja. I’m okay, he’s okay. Bedanya cuma, kita nggak ada status. Udah gitu aja. So now, I’m asking you patiently, why do people have to change?

Gue nggak bisa ngomong banyak. Thanks God masa-masa gila itu udah lewat. A week, and I have had enough. Morning sunshine tuh selalu bikin gue demam, bahasa emonya. I didn’t cry, didn’t mean I was strong enough. I was totally fragile, and alone. Sekarang yang gue pengen cuma keramaian, becandaan, mimpi, dan gue capek pura-pura. Gue marah, gue kecewa, kalo bisa gue pengen jejerin 12 kloning-an dia dan gue tonjokkin satu-satu sampe mati biar gue puas. Dia berubah terlalu cepet, dia keliatan baik-baik aja terlalu cepet, itu yang gue nggak bisa terima. Maaf.

I just wanna have a good 2010. Tahun ini bakal berarti banget buat gue. Gue udah nggak mau liat ke belakang, udah cukup banget deh. Tahun ini gue harus jadi mahasiswa dan gue harus lulus. Harus. Dan….siapa tau taun ini gue dapet jodoh. Soalnya gue pengen nikah cepet-cepet. Hahaha amin.

191109. Thursday

2009-11-21T17:11:00.001+07:00

hanya sejenak, aku mengingat
haruskah aku bernafas
aku ingat, dulu aku takut
hilang adalah bagian hidup
kemana aku melangkah?

aku melayang-layang
itu aku
ini rohku
jiwaku yang dulu, akankah kembali?
siapa senang, siapa sedih
mengapa dunia begini curang
berputar dan tertawa,
kenalkah ia akan tangis?

Loser

2009-10-31T13:08:00.000+07:00

we had too much beautiful lovestory
and we haven't ever been ready to face the illness behind
we filled it out
are we sure?
something's missing here.
it's blank. and cracked.
we're falling, don't cry.

.

2009-10-31T12:08:00.000+07:00

I forget how to smile. I've just known that heartbroken is killing, how sick but who cares?

whats up?

2009-10-23T18:50:00.000+07:00

Almost a month since the last time I updated, rite? Doesn't mean I've been so busy all this time, noope, I was just not in the mood of writing. Nothing interesting to be written too, my life is so flat these days. I'm having a mid-test week, yeahh not so good but I'm hoping it'll go as soon as possible. I'm doin my best. And I don't do cheating at major subjects, how cool?
Honestly, I'm tired with all these..routines. School, courses, homeworks, tests.. Could I spend my last year as a highschool student in a better way? I'm looking for something interesting, I don't even have anything special to do at weekends. I stay at home when I want to, I go out when I'm bored. I really miss my quality time with my best friends, especially karina mira tia alle arya ninoy and others. We hung out a lot years ago. We went to Tarphrodite last week, but that's all. I had fun, but that's all. I go dating with my boyf, but that's all. I'm so bored and this is my last year. How sad? I have so much quality time with my girls at school, but if we go flashback to the last year, ah we were a lot happier. We went out almost everyday, we didn't care about everything especially school, oh okay I know its my senior year and it means I have to study all year long. I'll do everything for my future, howeva it's my priority right now. But I haven't even know where I will bring my self to. I want a good future, I want a good career, I want to make my parents proud, but where am I going? I've still got no destination. My mind changes everyday. Just keep prayin a lot, I feel a bit regret of wasting my highschool time with complaining and so on, bcs I know next year, all will be so much different. I'll be a collegian. Whoaaw, amen.

just update

2009-09-25T13:11:00.000+07:00

don't ask me about my holiday. hm actually it's not that bad, I spent most of the time with my happy family and it's fun :))) the bad is, none of my plan is done.
I sleepover at Marsha's house these days, she's my cousin and we're having good times.
I miss dido much wonder how freak he is now haha
fyi, I got my hair smoothed ;p
everything but school, am really not ready. so, ttyl

Two Is Better Than One, Song

2009-09-09T17:14:00.000+07:00

I've got a new song from Uun(!)

Two is Better Than One
Boys Like Girls ft. Taylor Swift

I remember what you wore on the first day
You came into my life and I thought
"Hey, you know, this could be something"
'Cause everything you do and words you say
You know that it all takes my breath away
And now I'm left with nothing

So maybe it's true
That I can't live without you
Maybe two is better than one
There's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
And you thought that it got me coming undone
And I'm thinking two is better than one

I remember every look upon your face
The way you roll your eyes
The way you taste
You make it hard for breathing
'Cause when I close my eyes and drift away
I think of you and everything's okay
I'm finally now believing

That maybe it's true
That I can't live without you
Maybe two is better than one
There's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
And you thought that it got me coming undone
And I'm thinking two is better than one
Yeah, yeah

I remember what you wore on the first day
You came into my life and I thought, "Hey,"

Maybe it's true
That I can't live without you
Maybe two is better than one
There's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
And you thought that it got me coming undone
And I'm thinking
I can't live without you
'Cause, baby, two is better than one
There's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
But I'll figure it out
When it's all said and done
Two is better than one
Two is better than one

I doooo really love both of them :)

H-3 Hol(Y)days

2009-09-08T20:24:00.000+07:00

tsk tsk tsk why does the last week have to be the hardest week?

I have 2 (two) Biology tests this week, gosh TWO.
And maybe one more Physics test on Thursday, duh
ah who cares? holiday is coming around it's getting closer closer and closer, why can't we make it easier? It's September already and I'm still trying to live a senior life, haa hischool time is almost over so have you been ready to say goodbye?

Konsentrasi

2009-09-08T18:42:00.000+07:00

Tadi pulang, seperti biasa ngangkot sama Shita. Puanasnya ampunan, gara-gara nggak biasa pulang jam segitu kali ya. Haduh gue nggak ngebayang deh kalo gue puasa, behhhhh bisa batal mulu gue haha. Tapi temen-temen yang puasa harus tetep semangat ya!! :)

Terus di angkot ngobrol banyak gitu kan ya dari ngomongin Agat terus sampe Dito blablablab terus ujung-ujungnya ngomongin kelas dua dulu, ngomongin Konsentrasi. Ah kangen parah :'(

One of the things I'll missssss a lot of my hischool times. Yah mgkn malah kalo dibilang masa sma terbaik itu ya pas ini nih. Kelas terrrrrseksi yang pernah gue punya lengkap dgn ketolol-ketololan anak-anaknya, nggak Zahra nggak Dogeng sama aja gilanya ahuahauha aset langka negara. Geng IPA 2 yang paling oke Anyn Arin Dinda Shita Zahra Pramud Olle Ola Salsa Bebel pokoknya cewek-cewek kece IPA 2 deeeh yang paling demen curhat gosip sama ngakak, belom lagi Shita si cermet paling top sejagad curhat nangis ketawa tolol sendiri dengan aksi doodlingnya dia yang sangat oke ahahaha apalagi dalam urusan sontek menyontek, partner terbaik saat ulangan haha tobat tobat. Arin dengan jiwa seninya yang berlebih dan kemampuan akting yang teope nggak bakal pernah ada yang bisa ngalahin :D Apid si penipu ulung haha nggak deng si pesulap, semoga semakin ahli ya Pid dengan trik-trik bangke lo itu. Ibun dan Panjul yang sangat twolol, teman cabut yang paling oke ah kenapa jadi kayak bikin album gini banyak thanks to nya deh. Pokoknya semuaaanya yang oke oke mantap mantap seksi seksi Konsentrasi paling seksi! Nggak bakal lupa deh bego-begonya sampe pernah dibilang sama Bu Adwi kelas Sos 3 huhu siapa sih yang nggak kangennnnn?

Kelas yang membuat impian masa kecil gue terwujud yaitu jadi Sherina di Petualangan Sherina hahaha lumayanlah dapet Best Actrees wakwakwak mungkin karena ketotalan yang dilakukan di Scene 11 Hahahah hayoo siapa yang inget ngacunggg!!

Kelas yang penuh dengan orang-orang kreatif dan memacu satu sama lain buat nggak pernah berhenti berkarya :))) Drama RamaShinta huaha latian di rumah Shita dari pagi sampe waktu nya bobo siang sampai malam menjelang sampe kenyanggg saking makanannya membludak sampe gila stres ngakak sampe pusing sampe ketiduran sampe yang ada nonton dvd aaaaah nggak ada yang ngalahin! Lomba band juga sama hahaha latian baru pagi-paginya deh padahal tampilnya pas siangnya, tapi tetep dapet Best Arrangement sama Best Drummer dong whoot oke banget ga siiiyjjj haha (L)

I get nothing left to say, our one year was too awesome and memorable. Sayang kita nggak sempet perpisahan. Taun depan abis uan, oke?

P.S : Kalian udah jadi guest list kok di daftar tamu wedding gue hahahaha, kalo udah sukses semua jangan lupa masa-masa pencarian jati diri ini ya...

w/looove :)

for the 1st time, I want the yellow one.

2009-09-04T12:14:00.000+07:00

... amen.

Quiet

2009-09-02T22:36:00.001+07:00

Baru diomongin.

Debates – on fire – then quiet.

Quiet is killing you know?

I prefer debating.

I just want you, why is it so hard to…? hhhrgh.

Ini Baru Hidup.

2009-09-02T20:43:00.001+07:00

Hidup untuk menyanyi,
Hidup untuk menulis,
Hidup untuk depan dan belakang layar,
Hidup untuk berperan,
topeng dan panggung.
I wish.
:(

Love and Lost, What A Perfect Couple

2009-09-02T20:02:00.001+07:00

Hmmm.
Sekarang lagi bulan Ramadhan, jadi sekolah pulang cepet terus deh. Satu jam pelajaran cuma 30 menit, jadi kalo diitung tung itung itung tiap hari gue pulang jam 12.20, yaaaa lumayanlah. Happy fasting ya semua!!! Tapi tetep aja tiap Senin-Rabu gue mesti INTEN jam 14.00, cape bang. Anyway minggu ini gue minggu terakhir ILP nih ceritanyaaaa, lagi tes minggu ini. Doain gue lulus FCE ya, jadi abis term ini gue bebas deh tiap Selasa-Kamis ihiiiy huwooow

Postingan gue kali ini akan berbau emo dan agak lebay jadi kalo nggak suka sama yang emo-emo dan lebay-lebay just skip this one okay? Lo tau gue suka banget uring-uringan hahaha.

Tadi pas di sekolah, Vavain cerita sama gue soal blog adek kelas gue, mantannya temen gue, mereka nggak lama ini putus ceritanya. Sedih.... banget. She hasn't been able to get over, and has got nowhere to run.

Udah cukup banyak cerita yang gue denger, tulisan yang gue baca, bahkan yang gue liat sendiri, gimana ancurnya seseorang krn ke-hi-la-ngan. Yap, just one word which is sooo able to destroy everything. Dulu, pas gue masih 'bermain-main' dan 'dimainkan', gue mikirnya, 'Helah, gitu doang, yaudah sih, nothing lasts forever lah. Entar juga lupa.' Well, waktu itu gue masih dalam tahap tai-tainya gue yang ngelantur kesana-sini dan nipu diri gue sendiri padahal gue sendiri yang nggak bisa get over, cari pelarian kemana-mana.

Gue juga udah ngerasain yang namanya nyesel, ya ampun yang namanya nyesel banget malah. Dan itu sakitttnya puoll ahahaha gue nggak bisa keluar dari lingkaran itu sampe hampir 3 taun, bukan waktu yang sebentar loh. Kadang gue kesel kenapa otak gue terlalu gampang nyimpen memori, sesuatu yang cuma blazzzt di depan mata gue atau muncul di pikiran gue atau gue denger di telinga gue kayak flash aja bisa buat gue emo & down berhari-hari. Kalut banget kayak orang gila lagi kambuh, tapi kalo itu udah lewat yaudah gue balik lagi kayak biasa, kayak nggak ada apa-apa, terus yang ada bingung sendiri kenapa bisa segitunya. Gila, ya kan?

Gue pernah ngerasa nyesel, dan kehilangan. Tapi gue kehilangan karna gue tau gue nyesel. Lebih tepatnya sih gue nggak bisa ngelepas. Gue nggak ngerasa kehilangan-kehilangan banget, gue cuma kangen aja tepatnya. Terakhir gue ngerasa kehilangan, sebut putus deh, yaaaah gue nangis bombay sih mewek-mewek ampe mata sipit tapi yaudah gitu aja. Sehari cukup. Gue balik lagi biasa lagi, seminggu setelah putus gue udah hidup lagi. Udah deket sama Dito malah ahahaha.

Ini dia nih. Ini dia. Nama itu tuh, empat huruf maksiat itu ahahaha. Karena terlalu sering berhubungan dengan dunia orang-orang yang kehilangan, gue jadi takut sendiri. Gue belom pernah bener-bener ngerasa kehilangan. Tiap kali ada yang cerita atau gimana, yang gue pikirin (dan biasanya gue lontarin), selalu, 'Kalo gue gimana ya?' Gue takut, jujur. Manusiawi dong? Nggak mungkin selamanya gue berharap dia ada di situ, jadi satu-satunya yang segitu sabarnya sama gue, yang nggak pernah bosen dengerin gue, yang selalu punya akal buat gue ketawa lagi.............. Gue pernah bosen sama dia, gue pernah jahat sama dia, gue pernah bikin dia kecewa sekecewa-kecewanya, kalo gue bisa kenapa dia enggak? Siapa yang tau suatu saat dia tiba-tiba berubah........ ah terlalu banyak negative thinking kali ya gue. But for sure I'll be so crazy if you take your step and leave.

But if it's yes, and I know it may happen someday, well who knows? But for sure, I won't be ready. No one replaced, but he's got the cure for me. I was sick and he brought the medicine. I did run and run and run but I got nowhere. Now I know where to run to lean on to share. Someday, hhhh I just don't wanna face it. God, am I asking too much if I want it to last forever? Please don't write any fullstop.

Don't let me get lost
Anymore. It was all enough
It's US. Not just me and you.
So.
Please.
Just.
Don't.
Leave.
You know I need you.

Cheeks ;3

2009-09-01T13:18:00.000+07:00

Just don't change our way, we've been on the right way.
I still want you to be the first one
who I call at midnights, woken up of nightmares
who I get mad at, evrytime my period comes
who I hug when I get down
who makes me laugh when I cry
who sings with me on our nightcalls
who comes in my dreams
who knows me better than others
who stands there, beside me, and keeps holding my hands.
So,
Just don't make it.... separated.

Change

2009-08-29T12:23:00.000+07:00

While something ends, something begins on the other hand.

Ternyata jadi anak kelas 3 itu bener-bener nyita waktu ya, buat update aja susah. Ngomong-ngomong besok gue try out inten terus gue bener-bener belom persiapan sama sekali, malah rencana jalan-jalan sama Dito. Stres.

Anyway, something has changed. Something's over. I don't know where to start.........
Intinya, semua kembali ke sedia kala, kembali ke sebagaimana harusnya. Pertamanya gue marah banget, marah banget pas tau. Tapi setelah ngomong panjang lebar semalem dari bentak-bentakan sampe sedih-sedihan sampe biasa lagi sampe gue yang tadinya ngantuk jadi seger sampe jam 4 pagi, we know we both okay. Nope ini bukan tentang si jerapah kok, tentang persahabatan. Caelahhh persahabatan, petualangan sherina kali. Sayangnya gue nggak bisa mention disini. We ended the story but we also wrote a new title, as the beginning, friendship is all we need.

Tapi gue masih sedih loh. Jujur deh. Yah mau gimanapun....

Yaudahlah. Semua masih sama, yang beda cuma... keadaannya.

Nggak ngerti ya? Gue juga enggak.

Hm, Sounds Sarcastic

2009-08-23T21:04:00.000+07:00

"It's normal that you don't forget your first love."
- Lon Hammond, Notebook

Poem, Ironic

2009-08-23T20:42:00.000+07:00

Grrrk asli tugas liburan banyak banget, mana gue disuruh bikin karangan hukuman gara-gara nggak masuk hari Jumat pas acara Isra Mir'aj di sklh sama hari Senin upacara kemerdekaan gyeheheh I'm so sorrry dear Indonesia, I didn't come, didn't mean I had lost my nasionalism! Nooo I still have it a lot :) Terus ceritanya gue disuruh bikin puisi gitu bahasa Indonesia. Hahaha ngaco abis, gue buat sambil ngobrol sama Vavain hwekekek nih gue copy kesini ya haha tapi jangan ketawa wahai saudara-saudara!

IRONIS

Tergantung tinggi, melayang di atas awan
Geli canda merpati putih, mengiringi
Riang, rona merah apel terukir dan, cantik

Tertawa
Lalu memudar

Mengumbar senyum yang kini terpaksa
Pucat dan basah oleh air mata
Tak kunjung mengering, lembab
Hidup hambar dan rapuh

Jangan lagi tertawa
Jangan lagi berkata apa-apa
Biar semuanya, waktu menghabisi kebahagiaanku
Energiku. Kehidupanku.

Tersandung, dan jatuh
Selamat tinggal langit, ini aku si makhluk darat
Sekarang.
Mungkin Tuhan tahu, takdirku di bumi
Penghindaranku sia sudah

Ironis, tapi toh aku masih hidup
Kalau saja mimpi itu nyata,
Aku ingin sekali meloncat-loncat layaknya masa lalu

***

Say something, insipred by true life, Ren? Hmm. Yah, maybe.

#reinataps

The very last week before the 4th term starts.

denial: accepted.

Because your heart says so.

One does simply get by.

days off.

note this,

One Hot Sunny Day

Reviews and Resolutions

The most wonderful time of the year.

Antisocial.

Calling....15-11-11.

Leaving everything behind, or being left behind?

:S

19 Mei 2011.

9 days: Free!

eelie meelie Lavley mo

living life to the fullest

(?)

And here it comes again, the rollercoaster.

Hello?

Another year has gone by.

I'm one of them, and I feel so proud.

Please say hello to these people, L.

November oh November

another letter to summer

Busy, leave message.

>:(

I say.

"that won't change a thing."

AUGUST

wish.me.luck

time for my ego to talk

I wish everything would be easier.

And so, forever has just come to an end.

unintentionally found this

*crossing fingers*

ok, 638 miles may be too far. but it ain’t feel much different.

Pressure.

Happy birthday, yein :)

Life starts changing.

I’m still alive and everything’s fine

The Notebook, 2004

everything’s still on the line

i'm still breathing

tanpa judul

It is life. From the eyes of a grown up.

How are you anyway?

a message in the bottle to someone who’s flying to another island

a letter to my summer

well,

Well, you might not know about this

Camouflage

Do not mind it, it’s just another random thought.

Over and over again

Things I miss the most

1. Midnight birthday surprises

2. Sleepover

3. Java Rockin Land ‘09

4. Bali, 2006

5. Cheerleading

6. Rocking the night out

The case I'll hardly forget

I should learn to be more thankful.

immnlrbnsnldwjksgn

I'm not a girl, not yet a woman. Labile.

2010 is really.....unexplainable.

People:

Hello there 5th :)

Carelessly in love

Again and again, insomnia's attack

So, I ain't telling you any lie

This may look too much, but...

So here it comes the goodbye. See you, Emperor...

Girls, Best Description

Look, and Listen

People

Calon Mahasiswi UI 2010

Wink*

Thank God

crossing fingers